5.08 LaFleur

Well, my rage-aholic therapy will have to wait this week, as I slap together another installment of my self indulgent rambling take on an episode of LOST, a show that should be bottled and sold as a cross between heroin and Viagra, but much more addictive. First, let me revisit last week’s write-up. I mentioned that I thought Ben decided to kill Locke as soon as he heard Jin was alive and that Locke has his ring. As opposed to the whole internet world that thinks Ben decided to do it when Locke said “Eloise Hawking”. I just never fully explained WHY. You have to remember, Sun was trying to kill Ben. And if Ben was having everybody watched, he would know Sun had bought out her father’s company and had met Charles Widmore in public. Therefore, he had major problems in trying to get Sun to come back because Jin was dead and Sun wanted Ben dead too. Ben could not possibly bring Sun back by himself, and return to the island himself. He needed Locke to convince Sun to come back. As soon as he heard Jin was alive, and the ring was in Locke’s possession, bingo, this was his ticket to manipulate Sun, which would have been the toughest nut to crack, which leads to I’ll really miss you, John.

Oh, those sneaky LOST writers. They jump from a scene of Previously on LOST of the Jungle 5 telling Sawyer to let go of the rope, Locke is gone, to a seamless picture of the back of the 4 toed statue. For those that need a refresher, When Sayid, Sun, and Jin took Desmond’s sailboat at the beginning of Season 3 to try to rescue Jack, Sawyer, and Kate from the Others, they sailed past a part of the island where they saw what looked like an ancient statue, well, the remains of one, as only one foot was left of the structure. The foot only had 4 toes. This was source of mystery on the island, until we got fed a bone here. The statue looked very Egyptian, with a foreshadowing in last week’s episode when Hurley was sketching a drawing of a Sphinx in the Egyptian desert. Unfortunately, we only saw the back of the statue. So, who was it? I have seen the screen caps of this, and did a little fact checking. First of all, it’s clearly a woman with long human hair. I’m sorry, but men do not have the same type of backside, a full round butt. And child bearing hips. So toss out all the male Egyptian gods, like Horus and Anubis. So what does make sense? Well, what was the most important development in this episode? Yeah, yeah, we will get to the whole Sawyer Juliet thing later. But I’m talking about Juliet, for the first time in 3 years, successfully delivered a baby. So…..let’s take a look at the Egyptian goddess Taweret, protector of motherhood, fertility, and childbirth. Google it and read Wiki or something similar. Pregnant women wore amulets with her name or likeness to protect their pregnancies. Her image was often shown as a pregnant woman, but we did not see the belly of the statue in this episode. She has four toes. Also, her likeness would often be seen holding an ankh, the symbol of life, the symbol on the necklace around Paul’s neck which Amy kept as the dead Paul was taken away by the others, something our statue was indeed holding. It just fits all too nicely and neatly for this statue to be . How cool would it be if we ever saw the front of the statue, and it had the face of Juliet on there, a big reason why the Others recruited her to the island.

Well, as the Jungle 5 are admiring Taweret‘s ass, another time jump happens, the well is sealed shut, the headaches and nose bleeds are gone. Much to our dismay, the fascinating time jumps have stopped. Locke saves the day. While the Oceanic 6 have a hard time believing in Locke, this group is instantly grateful for what he has apparently done. Faith. Such a key part of this show. Sawyer wants to wait for Locke, as long as it takes. If he knew what we know, he might want a really large stack of books to read and maybe some Rip Van Winkle sleeping pills, because it may be a while until he sees Locke on the island again.
\3 Years Later. Hey, remember when we had to guess if something was a flashback or a flashforward or present time. Yeah, those were the days. Anyway, John Travolta and Olivia Newton John are in the midst of a hootenanny, a word that never quite made it’s way into popular vernacular the way it should have. I would love to see a couple of gangstas on the street conversing “Hey, dog, where you be goin’ tonight?” “I’m going to a hootenanny at my boy‘s crib.” See? It just sweetly rolls off the tongue. The Dharma folks put down their marijuana brownies for a second, to watch Horace light up some Dr Art’s special brand of unstable dynamite from the Black Rock ship. This is the third time we have seen Horace on the show, an interesting character indeed. I’m a bit jealous too. When I get nice and drunk, for the life of me, I just can’t find any dynamite. Oh, and the fun I could have trying to light my farts. It’s off to the barracks and wake up the scary LaFleur, who turns out to be an alias of Sawyer, who is apparently the Head of Dharma Security. Well, this is no surprise. We have to recall Daniel in the Orchid during Dharma construction in the very first scene of Episode 1 of this season. This was a glimpse of this exact time frame for the Jungle 5. They are in Dharma time. And have to be careful, as he all know that Dharma was purged by Ben. Well, we know. Locke and Ben and Hurley know. Maybe Miles. The rest don’t. So when Hurley flakes out about the open grave in the jungle, somebody better pay attention. And, yes, the show is now focused on Dharma, much like I suspected a couple of weeks back. I am on a roll. Remember, I still avoid previews and spoilers, believe it or not. I enjoy the show in the moment. I’m not always right, but I certainly spend a lot of time congratulating myself when I do, not always in print. I’ll be sitting in a bar, talking to a lovely young lady, after buying her a drink. What do I do? Well, I have a government job, but that’s just a hobby. I mostly write blogs about LOST, the TV show. Never heard of it? Well, that’s OK. It’s only the most important thing in the world. Some people say getting married or having kids are great. Well, not me. Being right on theories on LOST episodes is as good as life gets. Um, I understand you are going to the ladies room, but you are taking your purse, jacket, finished your drink, and left a tip. Oh, you don’t want anybody stealing your stuff. OK. I’ll be here the next couple of hours waiting for you to come back so that we can finish my soliloquy on LOST blogging….hours later in a Sawyer voice “Son of a b!tch”.

Sawyer picks up Miles, who is working for him. It is really odd to see Sawyer with his hippie hair, clean shaven, and wearing glasses most of the time. Nerd. Nice touch calling Miles “Enos”. Seems like ‘ole Roscoe P Coltraine hasn’t had to chase them Duke boys around much lately, so he is in fine spirits. Does this mean Jin is Cletus? They bring a passed out Horace Goodspeed, mathematician extraordinaire back to Amy, his wife we assume. Amy is pregnant. At that point, we all knew Juliet was going to deliver this kid by the end of the episode. You can’t fool me all that often LOST writers. Sawyer tells us Horace was near the Flame hatch, and if you recall, this was the communication station run by Mikhail back in Season 3 that Kate, Sayid, Locke, and Rousseau found and subsequently blew up. Amy goes into labor.
3 years earlier. Daniel is having a break down. Oh, boo hoo. Look, jerky. I like you. You are a harmless character that is going to be alive for awhile because the audience needs your explanations. But plenty of people have died on this focking island so stop thinking about your little creepy infatuation with a girl that never gave you the time of day and focus. I’m perfectly willing to put you on my sh!t list and treat you like a production assistant on the set of a movie starring Christian Bale. Just this weekend I yelled at some teenage girl trying to sell me repackaged crap disguised as cookies. Did I have to make her cry? No. But I felt I owed it to her. Apparently you can’t time jump if you are dead. Well, that comforting to know that the corpse of Charlotte is lying somewhere in time, rotting away. Charlotte said she was born on the island, so I guess it is ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Just think, you hang on for another hour or so, you would still be alive and cured. Sucks for you. They are done with the time traveling thing. Miles doesn’t understand why Sawyer wants to go back to the beach, since the camp is gone, and they were last seen fleeing a rain storm of flaming arrows. Then it will be back to the Orchid. Beach. Orchid. Actually, this made so much sense, it was scary. What was even creepier is that if they were in the future, they might be considered the new Others, while the Ajira were the new Losties. It is so amazing the changes that happen in this show, with Sawyer probably the biggest. Was it really only 3 months prior he was hording food on the beach, stealing the guns from the Losties, and having Sun “kidnapped”? And just a couple of weeks since he killed the original Sawyer? Now, Miles is wondering “who put you in charge”? Um, because the guy is kicking some ass. Gun shots. We see a man lying on the ground, and two men putting a bag over a woman’s head. Others. Clearly Others, as that is their modus operandi from Season 3, Season 2, Season 1, hell, probably going back to the dawn of civilization. They probably built a giant bag from parachutes, climbed up the 4 toed statue, and put one over her head. They kept doing it to the Losties and Tailies, over and over and over again. Daniel with his whatever happened, happens. Um, he is saying it so much, I’m starting to doubt the validity of the statement, with all the course correcting going on and some details changing in scenes from episodes in the past. I’m also bothered why exactly Amy and Paul were picnicking outside the pylons, and it was never explained in this episode. Kind of dumb, dontcha think? Sawyer and Juliet kill the Others, and Amy is so grateful that she wasn’t raped and killed that she demands “Who the hell are you?”

Sawyer doesn’t understand why Juliet couldn’t tell the newly dead were Others. Yet, somehow, Juliet doesn’t recognize this technique. Um, what the fock? It was before my time. I keep saying that Juliet is still holding information back, constantly. Don’t give me that it was before her time. Season 3. Hydra hatch island. Jack, Kate, Sawyer. They wore those sacks more frequently than a baseball player wears a cap, than a kid in Minnesota wears mittens during January. Before my time my hairy bean bag. Sawyer starts to spin his web of lies. We were shipwrecked on the way to Tahiti. Amy insists they bury the bodies and bring Paul back. So, after a few minutes of being in the jungle, with no shovels or equipment, they bury the bodies, and head back to Amy’s camp with zero dirt smudges on their hands or clothes. Allllllllllllll right. They reach the pylons and Juliet tells Amy to turn them off. Amy goes through first, unharmed. Cool. Now, the Jungle 5 walk through one by one, spread out, to make sure Amy wasn’t tricking them. Nope. They all try to cross the defensive field at the same time. Good Lord, are they dumb or what. And Juliet didn’t see this coming? Seriously? Hmmmm. Amy takes out ear plugs, apparently the way to defeat the fence. Juliet didn’t know this? Too bad the smoke monster didn’t figure that out. Oh, how about the focking thing doesn’t have ears. NO EARS. How do you keep a thing without ears outside of the fence. Sure, I could see someone with giant ears like Ashley Judd, Obama, or Mr Bean, even with ear plugs, which would have to be the size of a kettle drum, having issues. But Smokey? I call bullsh!t. Way to show your gratitude Amy. Or should we just call you Leona Helmsley, the Queen of Mean?
3 years later. Amy is still in labor. There is no doctor, just an intern, as the plan was for Amy to give birth off the island, and no doctor was there to help. I think this was a bit of a red herring. Sure, Amy was in labor 2 weeks early. But there is no reason to think women could not give birth on the island right now, as Sawyer would later speculate. After all, Charlotte claims to have been born on the island. Miles confirmed in Season 4 that he knew Charlotte spent her whole life trying to get back. So, if Charlotte was born here, why not this kid? And, further, what if this kid is special for some reason? Did the island purposely course correct Juliet into the past to make sure this particular Horace Amy baby was born? I think so. Let me go even more off topic. During the Ben episode from Season 3 where we see him born as his mother dies off the side of the road, we first meet Horace with his companion Olivia, who I believe was, or I assumed was his wife. Sure, this was most likely course correcting in a way, for the Linuses to meet Dharma, but if Horace has a kid with Amy, where does Olivia fit into the picture. Unless something changed, and Horace got married to Amy instead of Olivia. In this alternate timeline, Horace and Amy have a special baby. Let’s say it could be anyone, but how interesting would it be if this was Jacob? Probably not, and this kid is going to be about 28 years old by the time the Losties crash on the island. I simply can’t speculate which male this could be. Yet. Sawyer pulls Juliet out of the motor pool, and Sgt Bilko talks Juliet into blowing her cover and help try to deliver the baby. During a conversation between Sawyer and Jin, we hear that Jin keeps scouring grids of the island, searching for some of their long lost people. Juliet actually delivers the kid, and you can just feel that this is somehow incredibly significant.

3 years earlier. Sawyer is on a couch, being questioned by Horace, who is apparently the leader of the Dharma folks on the island. I was a bit surprised by this. But then again, Eloise Hawking told us a clever man figured out how to find the island and designed the pendulum in the Lamppost, and why couldn’t this have been Horace? A man with his pull in camp could be the Matrix Neo guy. He talks about how there are hostile people on the island, we don’t get along with them. Now, we have heard about a truce in the past, namely when the Locke, Sayid, Kate, Rousseau group found Mikhail at the Flame. As they approached, he shouted out that they had a truce, until he found out they were Oceanic 815. Mikhail was pretending to be Dharma Initiative. But the story seemed to be true then, and it is based on history as we just found out. So, how did the truce come about? The natives killed the military men. But they allowed Dharma to stay? Seems odd. Sure, the military shot first. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but why can’t the Others/hostiles simply chase off Dharma. Was Dharma convincing in their mission statement of the powers of the island and apparently trying to harness them. Then why build the pylons if there was a truce? Was Smokey around back then? Possibly. I need to hear more about the origins of the truce. I’m sure it will be visited again. So, Jim LaFleur was shipwrecked while looking for the wreckage of the Black Rock, and is searching for his crew. That is all well and good, but he has to leave by sub in the morning. Well, we now know for sure Dharma had the sub originally, and the Others simply took it over, along with navigational charts. It was mentioned that the sub would not make another trip for 2 weeks. You have to wonder if this is the normal period of time the island is accessible to the outside world, once every 2 weeks, or was so back then. Something to file away for later thought. Juliet explains her history to the Jungle 5, and gets a welcome home comment. Daniel sees someone that looks a lot like a very young Charlotte. Much to my frustration, we did not see who she was with, like her parents, which might be incredibly important in the scheme of things. Fock. Meanwhile, I feel a bit bad for Daniel. He will have to confront Charlotte at some point, as Charlotte recognized him for being the guy that warned her not to come back to the island. But he will look like a creep doing it. And the way I see it playing out, he will end up in a kitchen, answering a teenage Chris Hansen’s questions about what exactly he was doing there with Charlotte. My, those brownies look tasty. As Sawyer explains that they will have to leave tomorrow, and alarm sounds, and everybody runs and hides. Now we know what security was watching for when they saw Horace the other night. Cameras at the pylons. Looking for hostiles. It’s our favorite eyeliner wearing Other, Richard.

Horace goes out to talk to Richard. Richard poo-poos the fence, saying it only keeps other things out. I guess Smokey might be around after all, considering it is the security system, supposedly, for the Temple. Horace comes back, orders a call to the Arrow, the hatch discovered by the Tailies, the strategic center, code 1, and turn up the power on the fence, since it was such a help in keeping Richard out. This screams out to me: tunnels. It’s daylight, Richard is carrying a torch, and the fence didn’t stop him. Tunnels. Sawyer goes out to talk to Richard. This reminded me of the “list” from Seasons 1+2. Why were certain people on the list? Maybe because they were seen time traveling by the Others. So far, this means Locke, Daniel. Charlotte, Miles, Sawyer. Jack, Kate, and Hurley are on the island right now too. Remember, Michael had to bring Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sawyer with him to the Others to free Walt, most of the list that was on the island at that point. Ben was captured so he could meet Locke. And if Richard figures out Juliet is also in the Barracks, she is recruited to come to the island because she is on the list too. Jacob’s List? Perhaps. Special list? For sure. Because everybody realizes that the bodies aren’t buried well enough, and we know the Others to be expert trackers and at disguising their movements, they will find the bodies, Sawyer goes out to talk to old ageless Richie. I killed your men, but I’m not Dharma. Richard seemed almost half-interested. Which is the opposite of how I felt. What a great confrontation. After so many years of watching Ben slap around the Losties, and he still does, Locke and Sawyer have now slapped around Richard this season. Sawyer starts to drop bombs, so to speak. Did you bury Jughead? How about the bald headed guy that walked into your camp, then just disappeared? 20 years ago. Which again reminded me of Richard visiting Locke in his foster home and Locke failing the pick the right objects on the table game. Then, don’t forget, in the same Locke episode, when he was in high school/college, Mittlelos Bioscience was trying to recruit him to come to their summer camp, possibly on the heels of this visit by Sawyer to Richard in 1974 to remind them again how special John Locke was. Richard wanted justice for his men. So, Sawyer told him where the bodies were, and they have to give up Paul’s body. Creepy. Why? How about a Pet Semetary scenario, where they bury the bodies, and they crawl out of graves like zombies. Hell, isn’t Locke technically a zombie right now? How evil would it be if Paul come back from the dead, only to have the Others kill him again. Ouch. Amy yanks the ankh necklace off Paul to keep. Horace gives Sawyer and his crew 2 extra weeks on the island. Sawyer is on a roll, and he keeps momentum going by convincing Juliet not to leave on the sub and stay for 2 more weeks.
3 years later. Sawyer is wearing a retro shirt, still on the island, picks a flower, and….

QUOTE(phillybear @ Jun 1 2008, 06:24 PM)

Sawyer swims ashore, and finds Juliet drinking at the beach. She points out the plume of smoke of where the boat used to be. I think this couple be an interesting power couple in the future. I mean, who exactly is left on the island?

Did you notice the date of that quote from a site that I post at? POW!!!!

walks into a home with Juliet preparing dinner. Just what Sawyer talked about with Kate during season 4. Live at the barracks in a home, a perfect life. They seem very, very happy. They embrace, kiss, and toss around I Love You like they mean it. Ah. Let me enjoy this for a moment, a union between two of my favorite characters on the show. We will see them rubbing noses like Eskimoses for a few episodes, their relationship being embraced by LOST viewers, until Kate The Destroyer of All Things comes by like a wood chipper at a pencil factory. But we will certainly have time to enjoy this one, unlike torturous unions like Kate and Jack that last 5 seasons. After all, this union was sprung on us just seconds ago. Time for a commercial…

Sawyer is reading, and Horace wakes up. A complete reversal of Sawyer waking up 3 years earlier to Horace watching him. You are a daddy, Horace. Amy and Horace apparently argued over the ankh necklace that she saved from Paul’s dead body. How long does it take to get over somebody. Sawyer explains that he used to be crazy about somebody, and think about her all the time, but after 3 years, he can’t even remember what her face looks like. Good for you. If I ever got herpes, I’d probably think about it for years too, but eventually I’d get used to it, I suppose. Kate used you, toyed with your emotions, and loved being the center of attention in your battle with Jack for her favor. Good for you. You got Juliet, a huge upgrade over Kate. You are a lucky man. Not to mention, I believe Sawyer is leading all males on the island in the total women he has slept with: Kate, Juliet, and Ana Lucia. I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason Rose and Bernard are missing are that Sawyer had an all night session with Rose, Bernard stumbled across the tryst while time traveling, and there was a sudden murder suicide. Phone call for Sawyer from Jin. Which he does not tell Juliet about. Oh, how stupid. You know she will find out. Hell, you just explained to Amy that Horace’s drunkenness was going to be know far and wide soon, that secrets can’t be kept. Why not tell the truth, dummy? He drives off. Meanwhile, I am just agape at the suddenness of this horrific reunion. We got exactly one commercial break to enjoy Sawyer with Juliet. ONE COMMERCIAL BREAK. Are you kidding me? Daniel has been moping over Charlotte all focking season. We get 3 minutes of Juliet and Sawyer. THREE FOCKING MINUTES. The Dharma van pulls out. Out step Hurley, Jack, and a freckled succubus. Oh stop with the sappy, happy instrumental music. There is no joy in Mudville. While we hear an epic John Williams score, I kept hearing the Darth Vader theme song. I so badly wanted Jin to point to Kate and yell “MONSTA!!!!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!” Dammit, Jin. You did it for the French, but you won’t help your buddy Sawyer out. Fock fockity fock. FOCK. I have a hard time discerning the difference between Kate and the stupid woman from Progressive Auto commercials, the one with all the makeup that makes her look more sinister than Heath Ledger from the Batman movie, and a more scary and wider smile. For the love of God, are we going to endure more horrific moments from a love triangle, no, love TRAPAZOID, NOBODY CARES ABOUT. AGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!! Stop it. Just stop it. If we see Sawyer dump Juliet, is she going to stick a gun in her mouth and pull the trigger. I'd like to think that the last thing that went through her head, other than that bullet, was to wonder how the hell Kate Austen ever got the best of her (an homage quote to Shawshank Redemption, think about it). Twice. Well, Juliet, you could always date Ben. On second thought, good luck with the gun thing.

One week hiatus, as no episode this week. I’ll be back in two weeks. I need a break.