5.13 Some Like It Hoth

With all the Egyptian whackiness going on recently on the island, overkill if you ask me to the point where I think it’s just another red herring, a distraction, to what is really going on, I had assumed that “Hoth” was a god of some type. Turns out it is a reference to the movie Hurley was writing a script for, Empire Strikes Back. Now, I’ve never been much of a Star Wars fan, and have not seen this movie in about 20 years or so, but I did some research on it to gain some insight into the Lost episode. I’m sure I could make some comparisons like Sawyer is Han Solo, and Luke and Leia had sex off the island, and that Hurley is the offspring of Chewbacca and the Death Star, but there might be a deeper meaning here other than the silly analogy of Hurley’s about Luke and Darth Vader’s lack of communication. Also, I’m getting a bit tired of everybody on the show having daddy issues. Holy smokes. Jack, Kate (step dad), Hurley, Claire, Sun, Ben, Sawyer, Miles, Locke, Penny, etc. What is going on here? Anyway,
in the movie, the rebels relocated to Hoth. However an Imperial probe droid, before self destructing, discovered the base on Hoth. The Rebels, acting on this discovery, immediately began preparations to leave. However Darth Vader's Imperial Death Squadron arrived in time to intercept them, forcing the Rebels into combat in order to cover their escape. Although the Empire won the Battle of Hoth by destroying the Rebel base and capturing many Rebel personnel and equipment, the Rebels didn't attempt a full-scale defense, but rather worked to stall the Empire's forces long enough to stage an effective evacuation, and to allow the deletion of compromising information as to the whereabouts of the Rebel Fleet. Since the Rebels did successfully evacuate vital leadership and some personnel and equipment, the Empire failed to do more than stall the Rebels' plans, and the Rebel Fleet remained elusive. I think this may be about the past, the future, or both, about the island’s history. If you think along the lines of the past, the death squad would be the Others, who found out about the construction of the Swan hatch, and used Ben’s help to stage the purge and wipe out Dharma. But not before some evacuation happened, for example Miles and his mother. Being that Dharma sunk a ton of money and time into the island, it would make sense that they would try to figure out why they can’t communicate with their people on the island any more. They may or may not know that they are dead. But I can’t see them giving up on trying to return to the island. In essence, the purge was a stalling of Dharma’s true purposes. On the other hand, this could very well be a foretelling of the future, where an upcoming war is going to take place. Between what groups, we aren’t quite clear yet. But at this point, it looks like 3 different groups. Which we will explore later on in the write-up.

Among all the not too subtle appearances of the numbers throughout the episode and rabbits hiding keys, we get some understanding of Miles’ abilities during his own flashback episode. We sees flashes/images in his head of the deceased and their thoughts. Although, there is a seemingly absurd continuity error, in that when we first learned of Miles’ talent back in Season 4, he was talking to the spirit of the dead kid, communicating to him without a body around. So, how did he find the money in the kid’s room, much less tell the body to help him find it by making noise behind the dresser. Let me repeat, there was no body there. It does not add up. Miles keeps asking to see the bodies on the island so that he can read the mind of the deceased. Anyway, Miles’ creeps out his mother and potential landlord. Sawyer asks Miles for a favor and erase the Zapruder film, which Miles fails miserably in accomplishing. Come on, we knew somebody would discover it by the end of the episode, no matter how dumb Dharma comes off as. Three years down the tubes, as Sawyer is running out of lies to cover up the messes Jack, Kate, Sayid, and Hurley have made since returning. It’s going to end badly. As Horace indoctrinates Miles into the Circle of Trust, I was expecting some kind of joke right out of Meet the Parents and Miles responding with skepticism about milking Horace’s teats, but it was not meant to be. Miles is asked to go into a forbidden zone, where he does not discover the Statue of Liberty buried in sand up to it’s neck, but Radzinsky with a gun. Radzinsky really needs to smoke some pot or something, because he is so high strung he is about to go post office on everybody. Bring out your dead, and Miles asks the body in the van if he can buy him a drink.

Miles goes to see his mother as she is dying. Wow, is she stubborn. Right to the end, she keeps thinking Miles’ father is a bad guy, or at least that is what she wants Miles to think. But even as I was saying back during the first episode of this season and probably alluding to it last season, Miles is Dr Chang’s son. How bad of a guy could he have been if she and Miles got off the island alive while the purge killed so many people. Still, Miles at bedside was a bit like watching Peter Parker at Aunt May’s bedside, wondering about why he has these superpowers. “He is where you can never go”. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Never go. Just roll over and gasp your last breath, you useless sack of suck. Miles walks in while Horace is talking to Dr Chang about the possibility of electromagnetism causing the death of the Dharmite. It’s more troubling trying to figure out why Horace is hanging out in the security station all day long. Completely unnecessary, other than a plot device to keep Miles occupied and away from his duty of destroying the tape. “LaFleur has disappeared on us”. Geez. How about checking in on dying Ben supposedly in the infirmary. Or the disappearance of Sayid. Yet Horace is more worried about the chauffer of corpses on the island. It’s just bothering me so much about all of Dharmaville not caring about the status of Ben. And it’s now really, really bothering me that the Others are either not aware of the Swan being built on forbidden land, or are allowing it to happen. What the hell is going on? Flounder and Pinto take a road trip to the Orchid with rotting meat in plastic bags. And a corpse too. Kate and Roger arrive at the makeshift hospital. Roger goes bananas over Ben disappearing, as he should have. And Juliet’s master plan to cover up for Ben being gone “I don’t know what happened.”

Why does every friggin’ thing have to have a Dharma symbol? Hurley is writing in a common composition notebook, with a prominent Dharma symbol on the front. We get it. You’re Dharma. But it’s paper, dammit. Our dead buddy had a dental filling shoot through his brain, which ranks way down on the list of most likely ways to die, along side being beaten to death by a smoke monster, blown up holding a grenade underwater, falling out of a tree inside a plane, being blown up holding a stick of unlit dynamite, and being buried alive after suffering from a bite from a spider. Yep, the odds of anything like that happening are impossible. Miles visit some guy who called him from apparently Craig’s List, and instead of a date, they hold hands…then again, are we sure this wasn’t a date? Miles does a fraud and run, reminding us yet again that Sawyer is not the only con man on the island. And why does Mr Gray think his son didn’t know that he loved him. Isn’t that kind of an assumed fact in any family? If I had a kid, and he died, I wouldn’t spend hundreds of bucks trying to confirm the obvious. And Naomi shows up. Roger, instead of running around DharmaCrazyland, screaming about Ben being shot and now kidnapped, he is sitting on a swing and chugging beers. This has zero realism, and I could not understand this scene for the life of me. What? So Kate could come over and tell Roger she has a feeling things are going to work out. Which sets Roger off into accusations and deep seated suspicions about Kate. Think about it. The most drunk person in Dharma is also the most observant. The new people are not who they seem to be. No wonder they got gassed. We get it. Kate gave back Aaron to his family after several years of getting away with kidnapping. She is sad. So she goes over to comfort Roger over Ben. Yep. A kidnapper/murderer comforting someone about having their real child shot and then stolen. Look at all the things you have in common. Then Roger gives Kate a good talking to. You want to help? Mind your own business. FACE. Kate is like someone that attends a funeral but has Tourette’s Syndrome and just blurts out horrible things. But in Kate’s case, it’s not a medical issue. She is simply stupid. Hurley and Miles argue over their superpowers, meet with Dr Chang at the Orchid, and are threatened by polar bear feces. Well, we can officially call that little island Hydra Island, since that is what Chang called it. And one of the more touching moments in TV history. “That douche is my dad.” I almost got a bit choked up over the beautiful sentiment expressed in the graceful language of feminine hygiene products. I checked my pants. Sure enough, I peed a little.

Naomi gives Miles a test and a wad of cash. A man that was delivering photos, papers on mass grave excavations, and purchase orders for a plane. This was indeed part of the Oceanic 815 cover up, which seems to have been perpetrated by Charles Widmore, until we get evidence to the contrary. So, one of Widmore’s guys got killed and Miles was accurate about his thoughts. 1.6 million is a lot of money, and exactly half of the bizarre money request Miles demanded from Ben back on the island during Season 4 in a trade off to keep his mouth shut. 3.2 million. Now we know why that specific total, and why Miles wanted to talk to Ben in the first place. Miles is told that the man they are after is responsible for many deaths on the island. But, they were mostly Dharma. So why would Widmore care about going after the murderer of Dharma? It’s not a selling point to recruit Miles. Hey, go chase after a sociopath. Widmore was an Other. One thing I’m thinking here is that maybe Widmore has joined forces with Dharma. After all, he was the one who allowed them to do what they wanted on the island to begin with. I don’t know how much I really believe it though. Still, it makes no sense to tell Miles any of this. Hurley is trying to make sense of Dr Candle/Halliwax being the father of Miles and the guy on all of those orientation tapes. Which I’m not sure if Miles has ever seen one, so why bring it up in the first place other than to remind the viewer who he is. Nit picking, I know, I know. Miles is still doing the what happened, happened schtick. Body? What body? OK, what did that creep Chang do to the body? Why did the Other’s want Paul’s body. What is it with this island and the dead bodies’ importance? The Orchid can transport people. Did they send the dead guy somewhere? The desert in Tunisia? Jack is trying to cover for a drunk Roger. Now, if I’m Dharma, and I have a blatant alcoholic workman, maybe I’d try harder to keep him from showing up for work drunk. Nope, not happening. Besides, Roger had a busy afternoon reporting Ben missing to security. Nope, didn’t do that either. Well, my kid is gone. Pass me the beer nuts. This village is Children of the Corn. Nobody behaves like a real human being. Nobody. Roger and Jack have an alky to alky conversation. Roger expresses all his suspicions about Stalker Kate, and instead of Jack saying to old Roger…
1. You’re drunk. Go home and sleep it off.
2. You’re just upset and paranoid after a long emotional day.
3. I’m a dope. What do I know?
Or do you go with…
4. Kate is my buddy. She would not hurt your son.
So, which would be the most convincing thing to say to allay Roger’s fears and suspicions. If you picked 4, immediately head to your garage, grab your claw hammer, and start whacking yourself in the head with the curvy end. Jack just aligned himself with Roger’s enemy. That’s not a bright thing to do. Meanwhile, during a van ride, Hurley is trying to set up a play date for Chang and Miles. They pull up at the Swan construction site, and I’m awestruck by how much equipment these guys have. Considering all the hatches built on this island, the Hydra island, the Looking Glass underwater, the Barracks, etc, how did they do all of it? How do you get so much equipment to an island that is difficult to find to begin with? The logistics must have been a nightmare. So, this is probably the origination point of the “incident” that has been referred to in the past. The accident that forces someone in the Swan to push a button for seemingly for eternity. Did they dig in the wrong spot, hit Jughead, and go Oops. Were they thinking this particular spot was as special as the Orchid in unique properties for other reasons completely, that have nothing to do with the bomb? And of course, Hurley watches them stamp out the numbers on the hatch lid.

Miles gets pulled into a van being occupied by some masked men, and some unmasked that are familiar. Namely, Bram, one of Ilana’s buddies on Hydra island 3 years from now. He tells Miles not to join Widmore’s boat, his apartment is being watched, and then asks him the familiar “what lies in the shadow of the statue?” As I pointed out last week, that phrase is a code, a way for like minded people to recognize each other. A password. Clearly, Frank didn’t know it last week, and Miles didn’t this week. So, since this organization has been around for at least a couple of years, who are they? Well, they aren’t Widmore, since they don’t want Miles on that boat that Widmore’s people recruited him for. Are they associated with Ben? Probably not. Neither Bram nor Ilana made any effort on the island to communicate with Ben. Do they even know who Ben is? They know Widmore. Yet, Bram offered to tell Miles information about his powers, his father, all the secrets he has been yearning to learn. Who would have that type of specific information? How about the employer of Miles’ father, Dharma Initiative. Dharma must have known Widmore since they cut a truce with the Others on the island during the time Widmore was in charge. Much like Widmore, they’ve been trying to get back to the island. But if they potentially don’t know that it is Ben leading the Others who gassed Dharma, maybe they don’t know the statue has no shadow right now because it’s just a single foot. The Others may have torn down the statue for this very reason, in case Dharma ever came back to exact their revenge. So, Widmore is after Ben for revenge. Dharma is out for revenge. The Others are somewhere on the island. The Losties are caught up in the middle of it. Don’t forget, when the freighter was off the LOST island, there was speculation this was Dharma out for revenge. I was an early advocate that the freighter was Widmore. NOW, I’m willing to consider the Dharma returning theory. The problem is that if there are a butterfly effect ripples caused by the Losties in 1977, maybe the statue is in tact in 2007 in current time. Bram throws around some threats, then lets Miles go. Which is odd. If you don’t want Miles on the boat, why not just tie him up and hold him for a few days, until the boat leaves without him. Miles throws a self pity party about his father not being around and not caring. We stated earlier that this was probably bullsh!t. Hurley tells Miles that he was happy he gave his father another chance. But Hurley, if you didn’t win a huge lottery, you’re father would still be in Las Vegas. He came back for the money. Not you. The MONEY. But do ahead and believe what you want as you mash that garlic into your special mayo. Hurley is writing the screen play for Empire Strikes Back instead of something useful, like a journal to hide for himself to discover 27 years from now to tell him what is going on and what will happen. Sawyer goes home, and Jack is there to tell him about how dummy Kate poked her nose into Roger’s ass, and there is trouble brewing. I still can’t believe Roger hasn’t told anybody about Ben missing. Phil comes moseying along to talk to Sawyer. That eyebrow of his continues to haunt me week after week. It looks like he has two wind shield wipers on his forehead. That makeup artist that Michele Obama is dragging with her every she goes so that they can work on her face to make her look less angry, they need to let that person work on Phil. Phil needs someone to run a lawnmower across his brow. He has Sawyer dead to rights with the video tape, but dummy didn’t go to Horace yet, who has been hanging out in the security station all day. Right. Got it. Now Horace is missing. OK, I’m suspending my beliefs again. La, la, la. Sawyer leads him inside and punches him in the eyebrows. Tie him up. Oh, I’m sure Juliet will do just fine with that assignment. And after that, she will pull out some wooden blocks, grab a big ‘ole sledge hammer, and start whacking away at the ankles of that dirty birdie.

Miles admits to lying to Mr Gray and returns the money. It’s not fair to his son to lie. Actually, Miles is not being fair to the father. I never understood why somebody would bare their soul to feel better as Miles obviously did, but hurt somebody deeply in the process. Great, you feel better. But look at the damage you have done to somebody else. It’s a supreme act of selfishness. Miles watches his father doting on young Miles, and I’m surprised the universe doesn’t implode. Two Miles in the same exact place and time. Paradox? Meanwhile, Hurley has been making Miles feel guilty all episode long. If Miles cracks, and tells Chang that he is the grown up Miles in the next couple of episodes, bad things will happen. They go to meet the sub arriving with visitors from Ann Arbor, the headquarters of Dharma. I was anticipating the arrival of the DeGroots, but instead we get the anticlimactic return of Daniel. Yawn. We was off the island, and now he is back. Fine. There better be an interesting point to all that.

I thought the biggest development in this episode was Bram and the possible 3rd party involvement in the island affairs in the upcoming war. The Miles flashbacks weren’t all that interesting other than the van scene. I thought they could have really done some cool things with his ability. Is there any point to Miles’ story anymore? Nope. He is expendable and will probably die soon. Other than that, I was in general disappointed with this episode. This has been such a disappointing season in the sheer inconsistencies in the episodes. Some have been terrific, especially the early ones not focused on the Oceanic 6. The ones mostly featuring Dharma crap, especially since Jack and Kate returned, have been rather weak. I know the cliffhangers have been typically very good, so I hope all this is building up to something good.

5.12 Dead Is Dead

Dead is dead. The name says it all. The writers are mocking me. First, the ridiculous magical moving bullet wound from the last two weeks that kept Ben alive, and coincidentally we get an episode title of Whatever Happened, Happened. That means the future can’t change. But, just one week later, we get Dead is Dead. Is this a reference to Locke like most assume, or about Ben, which would make for a sarcastic jab by the powers that be at people that are trying to pay attention to the details of the show? OK, writers, you win. I tried to take the analytical approach to your show, thinking inconsistencies between the present/future meant that the actions of the past had a huge influence on the upcoming events. And I’m not even talking about nit picking on details of Season 1 to Season 5. I get it, that was a lot of plot development ago. Then, the rug gets pulled out from under me with Ben’s gun shoot wound that won‘t stay still. Maybe that is my Waterloo. The writers are focking with all of us. Whatever Happened, Happened. Dead is Dead. Come on, they are purposely leaving clues for both sides of the debate; alternate timelines AND nothing has changed. I refuse to get caught up in it again. The writers proved their point. They would rather screw with the audience than be consistent with the show. Well, fine. I will try to avoid their little games, and focus on the episodes as they happen. But it doesn’t make me any happier knowing they are writing scripts to screw with the heads of the internet obsessed fans, while confusing the hell out of the mainstream audience. Oh. Was that the sound of Lost’s ratings dropping again? Maybe if the writers didn’t fock around so much, they could hold on to casual fans watching this show instead of a group of long suffering obsessed douche heads like me being the victims of their practical jokes. April 1st comes around just once a year, for fock‘s sake. I love this show. But I can’t fathom how the writers will pull off resolving all these inconsistencies from this year. I defended their ability to tie up all details for years. Now, not so much. I am being forced to suspend my meticulous attention to detail.

But let‘s not take away from what was a terrific episode, arguable the best one of Season 5. While I enjoyed the hell out of the time traveling episodes, we then settled into a morass of boring Dharma crap the past few weeks. This episode featured the wonderful characters of Ben and Locke playing off each other all episode long, with some questions answered, a couple of new mysteries, and a reappearance of my favorite character on the show, the Monster. It doesn’t get much better than flashback filled The Curious Case of Benjamin Linus.

The Others are roughing it in the jungle as a traveler arrives by horse. This is at least the second time we have seen a horse on the island, as Kate saw a black horse outside the Swan hatch in Season Two, possibly a manifestation of Smoke Monster. But we haven’t seen people, namely the Others, traveling on them lately. The very usual power structure is referenced yet again, as Richard reminds Charles how the island and Jacob make decisions regardless of who the leader of the Others happens to be. Which makes me wonder if the leader of the Others can hear Jacob at all, and Richard is the only one that can interpret. This could very well be the reason Charles is so frustrated with Richard. I know I’ve speculated about this in the past, Ben only pretending to hear Jacob, but I would like proof somebody outside of Richard (who could also be faking) and some of the Oceanic 815 being able to see Christian. Now, Locke may have arguably seen the real Jacob, but he was still in semi-faith mode, so it’s hard to tell if “help me” came from Christian or Jacob, but I think it was the latter. Ben is told he will return to his father soon enough, which means the purge is still scheduled. However, how in the world will Ben be able to explain his actions and reappearance to the satisfaction of Dharma to allow him to remain one of them for the next dozen years or so for the time of the Purge? Would you trust the kid after he stole the keys and set the bus on fire. Is this one of those “my daddy mentally abused me and I didn’t know what I was doing” line of defenses that could work in today’s blame everybody else society? Well, this was 1977 after all, so I doubt that line of reasoning would work. Yeah, we get it, the island saved Ben’s life. We also get to meet Charles Widmore as the leader of the Others, proving he was telling the truth, once and for all, about that topic. The writers yet again are setting up the seesaw of Ben and Charles, one is good, one is bad. Depending on the episode, they keep swaping those roles. I’ve gotten to the point where I just don’t care. I hope they are both evil. As Ben wakes up to watch Locke watching him sleeping like some kind of drunk uncle with creepy thoughts, we get the set up of the episode. Seeing is believing. I broke the rules, so I’m here to be judged. And the Monster. OK. I’m intrigued, especially after what happened to Mr Eko.

At Ajira camp, Ilana and a couple of castaways are moving a big metal crate, but don’t want Ben’s help. Ben convinces Caesar that Locke is nutty as a fruitcake. Ben went so far as to introduce the Ethan story, saying Locke might have already been on the island when the plane crashed. Never, ever play poker with Ben . As we see him skulking in the bushes with a young Ethan years earlier, he is still a bit twitchy. We are finally going to see how Alex was kidnapped. A lot of interesting tidbits here, and not just Ben showing a modicum of compassion for not shooting Rousseau, as he heard a baby crying. Clearly, he was relating to growing up without a mother, much like he did. Somewhere in his heartless body, well he has a heart, but it seems to limbo around bullets like a drop of mercury on a flat surface. But somewhere in that egotistical body is a soft spot, which will betray him many years later with Penny. Next, Rousseau is still camped on the beach, so it’s probably safe to assume that she soon finds and moves into the bunker where she remained until Sayid found her in Season 1. Ethan is an other and looks awfully young. I suppose this is post purge, and he is a part of the Others, an unexplained survivor from Dharmaville. Ben tells her to never try to find Alex and when she hears whispers to run the other way. I’ve mentioned a few times that the Whispers have occurred when there was zero chance the Others were around, for example when Hurley first saw Jacob’s cabin. So I will not concede the point that the Others create the Whispers. Just not enough evidence yet. But my biggest issue with this scene is that Rousseau captured Ben in Season 2, and Ben looked pretty close to the same with a bit less hair. Rousseau did not kill him. She simply turned him over to the Oceanic 815s and told them that he was definitely an Other. And didn’t mention that this was the man who kidnapped her baby. After 16 years or so, don’t you think you might be able to build up more anger towards someone for stealing your child. Was she really that afraid even then of Ben’s threat of Alex being harmed. I guess Danielle was a troubled woman on some many different levels, killing her brainwashed colleagues and baby‘s father before they killed her, left alone in a jungle for 16 years, having her daughter stolen, and being paranoid of whispers in a jungle. What kind of life is that? Then a couple of days after you are reunited with your long lost daughter, you are killed by commandos. Of course, she would have been so much better off if she was still hiding in that bunker. I would argue that of the entire series cast, her Lost character is the most deserving of our sympathy. And whoever sleeps with Kate. Ok, ok, but I had to keep my streak going this week. Enough about Kate. On Hydra hatch island, Ben looks for and finds a picture of Alex. Locke strolls in and makes himself comfortable. Ben goes off in a speech about how Locke had to die, Ben needed vital information from him (Jin was alive, meant to visit Hawking in Los Angeles), then killed Locke himself. Ben pulls out his old “did it in the best interests of the island” phrase. At this point, I’m convinced that Locke is not his usual self. Since being brought back to life, he seems more…confident. On the island in the past, he seemed hesitant, not sure what to do, befuddled at times. Now, it’s as if the island saved him and yet took his innocence away. Not that it’s a bad thing. Locke’s innocence has been an Achilles’ Heel for him all his life. But now you can argue that Locke received a healing by the island much like Ben, but Locke is more special since he came back from the dead. Locke suddenly carries himself like he is omniscient. “I’m going to help you, Ben”. This is quite the role reversal, as Locke and Ben were on opposite sides of lines like that for the last two seasons or so. Caesar interrupts Ben and Locke at the canoe, and gets a shot at close range for his trouble. Well, it’s been nice knowing you Paulo II, but your time is up. He seemed destined for a bigger role, after his airport and subsequent airplane appearances. Guess not. He seemed to have a logical mind, in that he was demanding answers from Locke about the island before Ben plugs him as an apology to Locke. As least we still have Nikki/Illana still around.

Ben and Locke arrive at the Others’ pier. Again, it is dilapidated, falling apart, dense and overgrown with trees that didn’t exist 3 years ago, and Ben spent 10 seconds staring at his surroundings as if he didn’t recognize the place. But NOOOOOO, there are no changes to the future. Score one for “change”. After Ben tosses around a few meaningless clichés, Locke startles him by accusing Ben of coming back to the island not because of breaking the rules, but because of the death of Alex. Locke again seems to know exactly what is going on. However, I think Ben breaking the rules is a more serious problem, like moving the donkey wheel instead of Locke, than the death of Alex. How was that in the best interests of the island, Ben? Blowing up the freighter and the purge can be debated from the island point of view. But the donkey wheel? Even Christian rebuked Ben. Which brings up another point. Does Smokey work with the island all the time, or are they independent entities. I mean, the island certainly has issues with Ben. The tumor, Christian telling Locke not to listen to Ben, children dying, etc. I‘m sure the children dying is due to Ben, possibly because Alex lived. But Ben is coming to be judged for just one indiscretion? Given the island’s anger at Ben, it’s a slam dunk, right? Or not. It’s a detail that has never been fully explained to my satisfaction, that Smoke Monster and island are one and the same. The same way that Jacob’s relationship to the island and Monster have never been completely linked. I hope we get more concrete definitions in the future. Off they go to summon Monster from Ben’s old home in the Barracks. Back in time, Ben brings the child to the Other’s campfire. Ben directly disobeyed Charles’ order to exterminate Rousseau, kidnapped the child, and dared Charles to kill “it” himself. “Is this what Jacob wants?” Seems that whenever somebody in the Others world does something naughty, all they have to do it say “Jacob” and everybody backs off. It’s apparently the most powerful word in the world. They next time somebody cuts me off in traffic, they are going to get an earful of “You stupid Jacob.” Charles walks away. Very odd behavior for the leader of the Others, giving in like that. Is it already clearly defined that Ben will take over someday, and Charles can’t challenge the soon to be authority figure? As Ben and Locke wander around Ground Zero at the Barracks, Ben accused Locke of “you have no idea what the island wants” while Locke counters with “are you sure about that” which is yet another hint at Locke’s new reborn identity of all knowing warrior. Rambo, with brains. Before Ben enters Alex’s old room, he wanders by a game board of Risk, which is something Hurley, Sawyer, and John were playing back in Season 4 before Keamy and his men attacked the camp. So, score one “for happened, happened”. Can you get the sense that I am grinding my teeth right now. Ben walks in on Sun. To be fair, when you walk in on a woman in a bedroom like that, you really have to have some stage of undressing going on. The fact that she was fully clothed …Booooooo. Frank shows Ben the 1977 photo, mentions Christian, and waiting for Locke to come back to life, who waves to them outside the window. Ben really seemed more surprised by the mention of Christian than anything else. Does he know that Christian is Jack’s father? Maybe. The Others had files on all the passengers from Oceanic 815.

Frank is creeped out by Zombie Locke, and wants to go back to the Hydra station island. Locke claims that he has a few ideas on how to find Jin, which is a few more than he would have had last season. After Frank skedaddles, Ben heads inside his secret tunnel behind his closet. I found it odd that this house was allowed to be built over the top of/next to this secret structure, including ancient stairs, as Dharma had some really prime real estate on the island. Of course, Charles was in charge of the Others, and allowed this group to co-exist on the island with the Others. Many years ago, the Others killed military that come onto the island, but now Dharma is allowed to co-exist and even build on the island. What exactly happened to change the Other’s philosophy, what‘s different? Sure, Charles is in charge now. But he seemed awfully uncooperative when he met Locke, Juliet, and Sawyer. How did Dharma gain such a control over Charles Widmore? Ben bends down, reaches into some murky water, pulls a plug, and seemingly flushes a toilet. “I’ll be outside”. You might want to wash your hands first, Ben. You just snaked a clogged bowl with your fingers. I can’t help but wonder if Ben just stumbled out of Green Acres fashion and wig show as he confronts handcuffed Charles on the pier. “You brought it upon yourself, leaving the island, having a child with an outside woman.” If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Ben was talking to Tom. Except for the child part, of course. And the woman part. And, um, what exactly was the awful crime of Widmore? Taking a couple of vacations and forgetting to pack a condom? As Ben and Charles argued the merits of Alex dying, I was left pondering who was right. Charles was vehement that the island will kill Alex sooner or later. Ben said the island didn’t want her dead and was protecting the best interest of the island. So let’s flash forward a number of years. Keamy and his men are acting on secondary protocol, which means everybody on the island must die except for Ben. This includes island resident Alex. Were Keamy’s orders to kill Alex, as specifically stated in that protocol? Keamy pulled the trigger awfully fast when confronting Ben. After getting past that shocking moment, we need to focus on did Widmore “break the rules” like Ben uttered at the time. Was the safety of Alex a rule? Sun is trying to puzzle out why Locke is alive and that Jack lied about his death. Ben’s eyeballs pop out of his skull, puts them back in, and strongly insists that Locke was dead. “Dead is dead; you don‘t get out of that“. Yeah, except on this island as we all know. “Locke walking around alive scares the hell out of me“. As he should, with all the times you tried to kill him. It has to be like waving a torch at Frankenstein‘s monster. Sooner or later, he is going to get pissed and tear your head off. “What is about to come out of jungle is something that I can’t control.” Ben is startling by Locke walking out of the jungle. Mysterious as his disappearance and reappearance was, this might be the first time we almost saw a Lost character going to the bathroom. Simply put, Locke was taking a piss or a dump. Or maybe not. But I haven’t seen most of characters eating or sleeping this season. Isn’t it great that the most blatant filler episode have disappeared? Otherwise it would be Season Five, and we would be getting 40 minutes of watching Jack take a nap in the Swan hatch while for 2 minutes something happens in the jungle. Locke tells Ben he knows where the Monster’s home is, so let’s go.

Ben calls up Charles to gloat. I’m going back to the island and you aren’t. I’m going to kill Penny and you can’t save her. When I run up a hill, I move my hips like a girl. I can summon the monster any time I want; wanna smell my fingers?
Locke leads on, and gets Ben to confess that he doesn’t really know where they are going anymore. Blah. Blah, blah. Let’s get back to putting a bullet in Penny’s head. Ben recognizes the place where he was healed, even though he has no memory of it. Contradiction? I don’t care anymore. La, la, la. I’m not listening. It’s the wall around the Temple, which is apparently half a mile inside the perimeter, built to keep the riff raff like Sun and Locke out. Outside of Ben’s snobby attitude, this information interested me quite a bit. It’s a wall that we have been seeing this season. This is a sanctuary that Ben has sent the Others to in the past. Is this where the Others keep the children? After all, when we see the Other’s camps, do we ever see any children around. Is the outside Temple a day care center? Locke tells Ben that they are going UNDER it. And speaking of under, when Locke was being dragged by the Monster in Season 1, was the destination underground, to be judged under the Temple for the death of Boone? Ben mumbles to Sun about apologizing to Desmond. I got a sick feeling in my stomach. Penny is still alive. Dammit. The writes using the swerve again. And for all the horrible things Ben has done in his life, he feels bad for Desmond. Oh, boo friggin’ hoo. That seemed so unnatural, as if the writers were setting up the next scene in the show with some unrealistic dialogue. Oh, yeah…

At the pier, Ben swivels and shoots Desmond holding a bag of groceries. I rewound countless times and did not see a bullet hole anywhere on Desmond. Of course, Hawking told us the island wasn’t through with Desmond yet, so it’s protecting Desmond by having the bullet be stopped by a bottle of ranch dressing or something. Think Michael post island and pre freighter.. Ben is waving his gun at Penny, making a speech about justice and how much he hates Penny’s accent. Young Charlie runs up on deck and Ben hesitates, setting up the whole Rousseau tent on the beach scenario all over again. And again, despite all that Ben has done, the purge, the blowing up the freighter, killing off Widmore’s henchmen, plotting and executing of the deaths of hundreds if not thousands of people, he could not pull the trigger, much to my disappointment. For fock’s sake, what, did the writers get cold feet? You killed off popular Charlie. Hell, you kill somebody every week. But you can’t kill off a minor character like Penelope Widmore? Who exactly is watching this show for a nice love story anymore? If I was standing next to Ben, I would have taken the gun out of his hand and emptied the whole clip into Penny’s torso. Then ran over and kicked her for good measure. When exactly did one single bullet kill a person on this show lately. Long gone are the days of Ana Lucia and Libby and Shannon being one and done. We kept seeing Sayid pumping bullets into people. Hell, Ben you just killed Abaddon a few days ago, and you shot him at least 3 times. You shot Desmond once. ONCE. You heard Hawking say the island wasn’t through with Desmond yet. Then again, Caesar got shot only once. Maybe Caesar is still alive. But you get as brave in confronting Penny as a turtle that hears a scary noise and get tackled by Desmond, punched a bit, and thrown into the water. Was the moment of hesitation the exact point in time you decided that it was your fault that Alex died? Which of course I don’t buy for one second. Ben was not responsible for Alex’s death at all. Keamy would have killed Ben the second he came out of the house, along with Alex. No win situation. Ben acted according to what any intelligent person would do. But Ben lost his killer instinct for that moment, and reconsidered his reasons for going back to the island. To be judged, rather than be selfish.

Like a short sited retard, Frank does return to the small island. We see Ilana and some helpers armed with guns similar to what the Others use, and trying to move a shiny facsimile to the Ark of the Covenant. How fascinating would it be if is was Jughead. It won’t be, but it sure would put a Jack Bauer twist to this season, wouldn’t it? “What lies in the shadow of the statue”? Frank is bewildered. Here is a theory. Sun is still evil. Don’t buy her “I’ll do whatever you say Locke and Ben” act. When Hawking told the group how they were to return to the island via a specific Ajira airplane, she contacted Widmore with the plan. Widmore then filled the plane with as many people as possible for the trip. Hurly threw in a curveball with buying the 1st class tickets, but there were plenty of people in coach. Ilana is somewhat connected to Widmore as she claims to be a bounty hunter hired by the family of a murdered Widmore associate. So these armed folks on the beach questioning Frank are Widmore’s Plan B, with Sun’s help. Don’t forget Walt’s comments from earlier this season about his dreams, when I stressed how important it was. He talked about John standing in water, like he was on the small island, and surrounded by people that were trying to hurt him. Wave hello to them. No doubt, these folks are the ones that chased the time travelers in the canoe earlier this season too, shooting at them. So when Ilana asks Frank the statue question, it’s NOT a reference to the actual statue on the main island. Is a code phrase so that the passengers can recognize each other for Widmore’s plants. Remember Desmond from Season 2? What did one snowman say to the other snowman? This was the phrase Desmond’s replacement was supposed to know the answer to. If Frank answers correctly, they give him a gun, and he joins the group. Frank goes “d’uh” and gets a pistol whipping. As Ben and Locke go under the Temple, Sun stays outside, much like Rousseau did many years ago. And that is another thing that bothers me. The Frenchmen went under the Temple, got brainwashed, and tried to kill Danielle. They were not there for judgment, yet they got lobotomized. So what exactly is the purpose of the Monster. One minute it’s supposed to dish out righteous judgment. The next minute it’s ordering the execution of a pregnant woman? This is in the best interests of the island? Huh? Anyway, Ben explains that it’s his fault that Alex died; he could have left the island and she would have lived. Except that this is completely untrue. Keamy’s orders where to kill everybody on the island except for Ben. He would have killed Alex anyway. Again, Ben is wrong about it being his fault. Ben falls through the floor like Locke fell down the well. Which brings up the next question. How deep does the Temple go? How many layers? Hieroglyphics are everywhere. Most likely they are of some Egyptian or Egyptian-like origins, but many different cultures used this form of communication for many centuries, including inhabitants of the Oceania area and of Polynesian descent, so let’s not go crazy in calling this island Little Egypt. Sure, we have a statue that looks Egyptian. By the way, I was watching The Mummy this weekend. For those still holding out hope it’s Anubis, I’m here to chuckle. The island statue looks so much different than any single sculpture, picture, or structure of Anubis that I’ve ever seen. But to be fair, I am fairly certain we will never see a frontal shot of the statue, so let the debate continue. Ben takes a long gander at a depiction of something looking like Anubis, the Egyptian god of afterlife, mummification, and one of the gods of the dead and the underworld. Anubis is seen in a pose as if he is kneeling at the presence of the Smoke Monster, which is really odd since you would expect just the opposite. So on this island, Smokey is more important. Ben stops at the foot of what took me some time to recognize as a sewer grate, because for some reason it did not have a homeless man sleeping atop of it. These writers have no imagination. And an obvious obsession with toilets and sewers this week. Monster comes out to play, and shows Ben a series of images of his life and times with Alex. While this is similar to the judgment of Mr Eko, where both he and Ben lost their innocence when they where children, Ben seemed to be somewhat sorry and willing to face judgment, Mr Eko was defiant to the end and was killed for his lack of apology. Don’t forget, Sayid is running around the island in 1977, but is another one that lost his innocence early on, and is going to be judged at some point I would expect for shooting Ben, as it‘s becoming more clear that this would not be in the best interests of the island, for which I can‘t give a reasonable answer to other than a possible rip in space and time and the destruction of the universe. He is going to get a good smashing. Ben is forgiven by accosted by manifestation Alex, telling him that he is already planning on killing Locke again (again? Hilarious!!) and don’t hurt a hair on his chinny chin chin. Locke is a made man, and follow his orders. Ben goes back and tells Locke that it let me live.

Well, it was a hell of an episode. Ben and Locke are terrific characters, performed with great aplomb by two underappreciated actors in the TV world. We saw some interesting developments, but we also have to face the reality of most likely going back to Dharma next week. Well, at least I can get back to ranting about characters again. Stupid Kate.

5.11 Whatever Happened, Happened

It was brought to my attention that last week’s write-up was a tad Pro-child abuse. Well, more than a tad. I advocated for the beating of children to strength their resolve and learn life lessons and that Ben’s face should have been slammed into the bars of Sayid’s cell. So, I took to heart what my faithful readers had to say, and I wanted to offer my most sincere….what, are you crazy? Are you a new reader? I’m not going to focking apologize. Just out of principle this weekend, I punched a Girl Scout in the throat when I was coming out of the supermarket. I didn’t necessarily want to do it. But I felt that I owed it to her. Not to mention, I’d rather chew on a tasty morsel directly out of cat’s litter box than choke down one of those chocolate covered minty particle board chunks. Stupid cookies.

Next, let’s address this right away, from last week’s summary…
5.10
“Nevertheless, Sayid shoots Little Ben through the heart. THE HEART. Ben is dead. And make no mistake, BEN IS DEAD.”

So, I took to heart what my faithful readers had to say about this, and I wanted to offer my most sincere….what, are you stupid? Did you fall for this AGAIN? I’m not going to focking apologize for this either. How could I have been so wrong? Just plain old wrong. BECAUSE I WAS RIGHT, numbskull. Huh? No, not the dead part. Ben was shot through the heart last week. HEART. Guess what? This whole episode featured Ben bleeding from the chest, on the OPPOSITE side of his heart. That is why he did not die instantaneously. So, we have a really big problem here in continuity. How do we resolve this? There is a much larger issue at stake here, other than my ego. I just can’t explain it fully yet. It’s like watching an illusionist. He has you looking in a particular direction, but it’s the wrong direction. I’m sure I’ll have some random thoughts throughout my diatribe with an occasional observation or theory, but I suspect that alternate timelines are still occurring, despite that very misleading title of this episode. Whatever happened, happened? Not so fast, my friend. How about this thought: The island could very well be the fulcrum of parallel universes, where all possibilities can possibly happen, but only one does. What if Sayid shot Ben in the right side in some parallel existence. But then that possible alternative merged with this current reality. Sort of like having cable TV, with hundreds of different channels, like Sayid shooting Ben in the head, the foot, missing him completely, or that Jin overpowered Sayid. But of those different channels, only one pops up on your screen at a time. So Sayid shot Ben in the heart, but in 5 minutes, you have another channel, where Ben was shot on the right side instead. And the island is the TV screen. I need to chew on this little theory some more. Anyway….

Jin wakes up, picks up the alternately bleeding Ben. Horace is nudged by Jack to admit that one of the Dharmites had to have helped Sayid escape. Roger Linus uses a winch to bond with the wench, otherwise known as Kate. Yeah, I really dreaded that this was going to be a Kate episode, complete with flashbacks and horrible acting. Yipee. I nearly contracted carbon monoxide poisoning from sighing so much. I’m sitting here at my keyboard, and just sighed from thinking about the sighing I did throughout the episode. For the love of God, kill me now. Oh, right. I was talking about Kate flirting with Roger. She surreptitiously reacted negatively when ‘ole Roger mentioned his last name was Linus. Or maybe that was Kate having a stroke. Who can tell with her? The island’s statue has greater emotional range. So Jin pulls up in his hippie mobile, and yanks out Ben. Roger immediate yells out “hey, that’s my kid!!!”. Um, I may not be a parent, but I’m pretty sure that if my kid is bleeding like a rare steak, and is being rushed into an infirmary, I’d remember his name. Who was the genius that made this script decision. “Yeah, instead of Roger saying something like Oh my God, Ben, What happened?, um, let’s have him remind everybody in the Dharma village that the victim is his “kid”, something that a proud parent would shout during a graduation ceremony or a school play for example. Like “hey, that’s my kid”. That should work fine. Never mind that 10 seconds ago he told the audience that his last name is Linus. We need to remind everybody yet again that Ben, scratch that, “the kid” is his son. Sigh. My nit picking has reached a ridiculous low, hasn’t it? Meanwhile, as Kate arrives at Cassidy’s house, we got the first confirmation of what I and other semi-intelligent people have been assuming all along. That Ben is dead. No, no, no, that Sawyer told Kate to look after Clementine, his daughter, before jumping out of the helicopter and doing a cannonball into the big blue ocean that Ron Burgundy would have been proud of. I mean, what else could it have been that Sawyer whispered? I love you. Please, don’t make me turn into Hulk Smash mode. So with Aaron in tow, Kate announces “Sawyer sent me”. Sigh.

So Kate, between half truths, being caught in lies, and various mumbling grunts manages to tell Cassidy that Sawyer is alive and here is some money. Sigh. Cassidy, in a classic woman scorned speech, informs Kate that Sawyer was jumping off the chopper to break up with her. One would think there might be an easier way to say “It’s not you, it’s me.”, but, hey, that’s just me. But Cassidy is a pissed off woman, and she will spend the next few years influencing Kate to become even more annoying, and bitter, and selfish. Ay, caramba. They should have Sun over for afternoon tea, which is being lovingly prepared in a bubbling cauldron. Kate felt that she needed to lie because she was protecting Aaron. All we need is Kate to develop an Australian accent and scream My baybeeeeeeeee every 5 minutes. Did I mention that the stupid Girl Scout looked like Kate? I didn’t really need to spit in her hair after I punched her, but I felt I owed it to her. Horace catches stealth mode Kate after 15 seconds of conversing with Sawyer. I’m sure Kate would have made a lousy spy, and you can bet Sydney Bristow would have gotten some information and disappeared into the background after stealing a Rambaldi artifact in those same 15 seconds, but other than that, Horace seems to barely be making an obvious connection. Gee, all this weird stuff has started since the new recruits arrived. Jack corrected me in public. Here is this Kate person whispering with LaFleur. Seems mighty suspicious if you ask me. Horace’s hamster in his head isn’t spinning the wheel properly quite yet. Oh, but I think he will get there eventually. While Ben was skilled in cleaning up a murder scene in Locke’s hotel room, he awkwardly left the keys behind in the jail cell. Or, he wanted his father to know exactly what he had done, by being obvious. Chew on that one. Miles wrangles up the Ajiras and isolates them in a house. So, for those paying attention, yes, I am now going to be using Dharmites (the original guys) and Ajiras (Kate, Jack, Hurley) for brevity sake and when appropriate. Sawyer knows Roger doesn’t have his keys, so he just saved Jack’s ass from suspicion and from a round with Oldham, Darryl, and Darryl. Ben isn’t in good shape, as Juliet is drenched in blood, which is obviously coming from the bucket of pig’s blood that just got overturned above her head or possibly from Ben’s right side of his chest, which is the wrong side. The Ajiras are under house arrest when Miles and Hurley start to debate life, the universe, and everything as compared to Back To The Future. That premise was all about Michael J Foz needing to ensure that his father and mother fell in love and got married and had kids when he time traveled to the past, otherwise Fox and his siblings started to fade away in family photos like they didn’t exist. Interesting enough, the names Michael Fox and Matthew Fox is a bit of a coincidence for this episode, which to me is more significant that the title of this episode. Holy smokes, having Hurly and Miles trying to explain paradoxes in time travel as related to this show is like giving a couple of monkey typewriters and telling them to type out the next week’s script for Desperate Housewives. Hmm. That wasn’t quite fair. I’m sure those monkeys do a fine job for that fine show. Yuck. So the debate centers about whether the future can be changed by the time travelers. And this debate was been a frequent topic in these write-ups lately. Here is my summary. Well, if they can’t change the current future, then we are seeing alternate timelines. If they can change the future, well, then Daniel was wrong. But Sun, Locke, Frank, and Ben are currently in a different future than what should have happened, whether they are in an alternate timeline/universe, or victims of whatever the time travelers changed. Sawyer asks Jack for help, and Jack says “No”. Well, that was certainly interesting. Our new Simple Jack is a very laid back fellow.

Kate whines “what are you doing?”. Let me present our first and very likely last Jack Is Great Moment of the Week “I’m making some sandwiches, I figured we might be getting hungry.” FACE. Jack very properly points out that he saved Ben’s life once before, for Kate of all people because Ben was going to have Sawyer killed. Maybe the island needs to fix things. I was just getting in the way. Just thinking about all the time I spend praying that Matthew Fox would quit Lost so he could film Speed Racer 2, wow, what a waste of time. Well, I suppose waste of time could be a fair classification for Speed Racer. Come on. Did you really think they were going to make a sequel to that steaming pile of Girl Scout cookies? You know, I really didn’t have to kick that crying Girl Scout in the head, but I felt I owed it to her. Anyway, Jack doesn’t suck. How about that folks? Jack is off my sh!t list. For now. You better mind your P’s and Q’s, mister. Meanwhile, Kate screeches, well not so much as a screech as begins talking. But I’m sure I’m not the only person out there that feels like her voice is like listening to fingernails being dragged slowly across a chalk board. Or maybe something that only dogs and bats can hear. She makes her opinion known “I don’t like the new you.”. Shut up, Kate. All of American likes the new Jack. So shut your piehole. Jack with yet another FACE moment “You didn’t like the old me, Kate.” Jack is swinging for the fences, and every pitch is yet another tape measure home run. At this point. Trust me, Jack. You peak right here. It goes downhill later. Enjoy the standing ovation from me while it lasts. Basically we are friends right now because we have a common freckle faced enemy. Kate goes to volunteer her blood, during which time she confesses to Juliet that she and Jack were engaged. Juliet seems uncomfortable hearing this is. I suppose Juliet still has feelings for Jack, and there is the possibility they end up with each other when all is said and done. Ever since Jack dumped Kate a few minutes ago, Kate is despondent that no one is paying attention to her. Oh, there’s Roger. Kate pretends to be nice to him so that she can be put back up on her pedestal by somebody, anybody. Roger was an epiphany and realizes that Ben must have allowed Sayid to escape. He blames himself for not raising Ben properly, and does a nice job of giving his character more dimension and more sympathy. Still think Roger is a monster based on last week? This is s conflicted, miserable guy who get stuck raising the spawn of Satan. I applaud Roger to giving Ben a five knuckle sammich each once in a while. So take that child abuse talk and stick it where the sun don’t shine. Ben takes a turn for the worse. Miles and Hurley keep debating what is actually happening to all of them. My big issue with this conversation was when Miles explained “when Ben turned the wheel”. First of all, who told Miles about the wheel. Locke didn’t come back and he had no idea there was a wheel when he climbed down the rope. So, who exactly told Miles about the frozen donkey wheel? Did the dead of the island tell him? Did a Daniel spying mission come back with information? But this really bugged me. Juliet tells us the only hope Ben has is the Others. Once again, Juliet flaunts that she knows a lot of what is really going on but just doesn’t show the cards. By the end of the season, I could see her tying Sawyer to some train tracks and walking away with her black hat, black cape, and twirling and old-timey Rollie Fingers type of mustache. That might be fun.

While Juliet and Kate take Ben outside, and stuff him and his bleeding wounds into a filthy van, I can’t help but wonder where everybody is. You mean to tell me that one of the Dharmities get’s shot, and nobody, absolutely nobody is waiting around the infirmary to see how Ben is doing other than his father. NOBODY? I guess that makes moving the body easier, with another plot hole. It’s all in the details, folks. Another random thought, how much longer will the Losties and LostDharmities be able to remember to call Sawyer or LaFleur appropriately. You just know someone is going to slip up at some point, and confirm the seed of suspicion that must be growing in Horace’s head. Right? Back in California, Kate is giving perplexed Jack a whole bunch of sh!t about going back to the island. Aaron wants a juice box, so off to the supermarket we go. As Kate continues to not pick up when Jack calls, Aaron disappears. Kate panicks. She runs the length of the store before she finds him walking around with someone that looks a bit like Claire in weird makeup, making her seem a bit like Claire if she appeared in Soundgarden’s Black Hole Sun music video, where people’s faces got stretched to demonic proportions, or what some of the folks looked like in reality in The Devil’s Advocate. But it does bother me how Aaron got to the opposite side of the store so quickly, especially when Kate ran in full stride in that direction, but Aaron was quicker? Can Aaron teleport himself? How did he do that? Sawyer catches up with Kate at the pylons, calls her “Freckles” again, and says he is there to help. Much to my eternal disappointment, Sawyer does not throw Kate into the pylons and crank up the juice.

After arguing with Jack at the pier, Kate drives over to Cassidy’s house to have a ridiculous conversation. They are going back to the island. I expected Aaron to be taken. And then when Cassidy spins the conversation into “Sawyer broke your heart, so you needed Aaron.” That is the frontrunner for most insanely idiotic thing ever uttered on this show’s history. The only competition is when Jack, staring into open ocean, denied that Locke moved the island. So, by Cassidy’s logic, every time I break up with a broad, I should drive down to the local playground and abduct a child. Because I “need’ one to get over my heartache. Are you kidding me? How about you get a cat? Have you ever heard of eating a box of Ben and Jerrys? Get drunk. Yet, now stealing a kid is now considered therapeutic. You just can’t make this sh!t up. Let me guess. The Anti-Christ Oprah must have been pushing this idea on her exploitative sh!tty TV show. You remember Oprah? She was Jerry Springer before Jerry Springer was cool. But now she is considered “nice” and “generous” when she gives out sponsors products on her show that she didn’t pay a nickel for. And then there was that rape school she built in Africa. And she went public trashing a department store because they refused to open after hours to allow Oprah to go shopping so she didn’t have to mingle with the unwashed masses of her adoring public. Yep, while Oprah hosted all the Nazi’s, mental patients, random crazies, and especially Tom Cruise on her evil tabloid show, and eventually unleashed the Imbecilic Beast Dr Phil on the unsuspecting Earth, the American audience fiddled, and Rome burned. Dr Phil looks like a man that drinks rubbing alcohol, eats dog food from a can, and has daily sex with a Dust Buster. And Oprah is considered mainstream and nice? She is a hack. And stop pretending you are not a lesbian. We all know it. So cry some more about how you can’t lose 10 pounds while you can go home and fill your ass crack with your billions of dollars you out of touch ungrateful hump. Drop dead. Back to the pylons. Sawyer informs Kate that he is helping to save Ben for “her”. I assume that this is a reference to Juliet, not Clementine, but whichever way it goes…FACE. Another low moment for the Kate. Meanwhile, Juliet is ogling the size of Jack’s d!ck as he steps out of the shower, to satisfy her curiosity over not ever sleeping with him, but probably will in the near future. Oh, come on. You know she looked. Hell, I would have taken a peek myself. I replayed their conversation a couple times to catch a glimpse of Jack‘s mule, er, rather as it was hard at times to distinguish whether it was about Ben or about Jack and Juliet’s relationship that went *poof*. “I needed you. You made it perfectly clear that you weren’t interested. I cam back for you.” Phrases like those made the conversation seem very layered and complicated. Of course, Juliet gives Jack a beating for not knowing what the Oceanic 6 were supposed to do when they came back. As much as this lessens Jack and beats him down some more, at least he was honest. And to be fair, do any us really know what the purpose of Oceanic 6 is on the island after returning. No, not really. As Sawyer carries Ben deeper into the jungle, jostling the kid, probably making the injury infinitely worse, Kate tells him about Clementine, Cassidy’s theory of him jumping off the chopper. Sawyer gives Kate a few punches to the face. You and me were never going to work out. I grew up a lot in 3 years. FACE. Yeah, Sawyer did become a whole other person, and let’s face it, he has probably spent a hell of a long time with Juliet in Dharmaville than the month or so of the on again off again tug of war “relationship” with Kate. Kate, sweetie, listen. Jack and Sawey have now both rejected you. Roger is a good guy, a bit of a drinker. Hurley can cook. Miles would be a hit as séances. Just set your standards lower and you might end up with a man. Wait. Every woman that Sayid sleeps with ends up dead. You should definitely go find Sayid. Richard appears out of thin air, the closest I’ve come to wondering whether the Others can turn invisible, or simply move through alternate timelines and reappear in another universe seemingly out of nowhere. Sounds ridiculous? Yeah, well the bullet hole has me thinking all sorts of crazy thoughts. I might just get totally nuts and change the channel of my TV playing in the background to PBS. Oooooooooo. That just sent chills up and down my spine. All of the sudden, I have all these thoughts about the show bouncing around in my head, and I have to make them line up in a pattern of some sort. I think I’m catching a whiff of the final solutions, if I can just snap the pieces together. With Desmond’s help.

From the 5.06 writeup…
But don’t forget, that if she took Aaron back to the island, and if Claire is still alive, and Kate has no reason to doubt it, how could she remain Aaron’s mother. She can’t. So rather than bring Aaron back to his mother, she selfishly gave him away. To who? Well, she knows that Aaron’s grandmother is in town and where she is staying. That seems like a good place to take him to. Maybe she takes him to Cassidy, the mother of Sawyer’s child. Maybe Kate’s sick mother is looking after Aaron. I guess we will find out at some point, but I think Claire’s mother is the likely destination.

Not too shabby. I was all over this one, as did many of you I‘m sure. Especially the ones that read spoilers. You do realize that you are not enjoying the pure magic of this show when you know what is already going to happen. But that is the burden that you must deal with. I am so anal about that stuff, I refuse to watch previews. Kate drops in on Mrs Littleton who apparently has not returned to Australia but is living in a hotel room for roughly the same time frame as the boys from My Name Is Earl. This is the day after Jack visited, thinking Claire’s grandmother was trying to get Aaron back by way of lawyers. Kate blurts out she lied, Aaron is your grandson, Claire is alive but disappeared, I had to protect him, I needed him. This is maddening. This focking woman is admitting to kidnapping your grandchild, lied to make you think your daughter dead, and she still might be because ditzy Kate saw her disappear, and you mean to tell me that you “needed” Aaron. I would pick up the nearest lamp and not stop hitting her in the head until my hands were entirely covered with her blood. You needed him? For what? Oh, that’s right. Some guy you have sex with 3 or 4 times supposedly broke up with you, and you kept a child from his rightful family because you were sad. Boo fock you Hoo. I hate this Kate character so much. Everything, I mean everything is all about her. What she wants. What she needs. Just thinking about it makes my teeth hurt. I have goose bumps at how awful that whole scenario is. Then, then, you try to score some brownie points by saying, oh, you can have him back, I’ve already done enough damage to his psyche. By the way, I left him alone in a hotel room to come over here and let you know that you can take him out for a test drive. And if I find your daughter, whenever I’m not flirting with Sawyer, I can bring her back, and tell Aaron that I’m not your real mommy, but Claire is your real mommy. Oh, I’m sure Aaron won’t be fazed a bit by that. If I’m Mrs. Littleton right now, I’m speed dialing a child psychologist and the police. Kate goes to kiss Aaron goodbye on his enormous forehead, more like a five head. I suppose Jack and Kate Plus 8 is now a full 8 babies short. But Kate is feeling very unhappy, as she is crying. Bood friggin‘ hoo. Hey, Kate, I know what would cheer you up. Go kidnap Clementine. You need her to make you happy. In your mind, it’s the right thing to do. Go for it. Richard addresses the jungle group. He knows Ben from a previous meeting, and met Sawyer 3 years ago during the whole shooting incident. He doesn’t know Kate until now. Again, these are all characters that ended up on Jacob’s list when Michael led the Losties into the ambush at the end of season 2. Jack, Kate, Hurley, Sawyer. All were time travelers, and now half of them have met Richard. All of them will soon enough. “If I take him, he will never be the same. He will forget any of this ever happened. His innocence will be gone. He will always be one of us.” Ok, hold on there, Kemosabe. Ben just stole his father’s keys, caused a flaming bus to drive into an occupied, yes occupied house, and freed an uncooperative prisoner. What innocence are we talking about? The innocence of that Girl Scout that I set on fire this weekend. I didn’t have to do it, well, actually THAT I had to do. But Ben is not an innocent. He will remember nothing? How conveeeeeeeenient. There is no way to explain this plot hole, so you give a character selective amnesia. So now Ben won’t remember Sayid shooting him, Kate and Sawyer rescuing him, Jin and Sayid being buddies, nothing. All that will be a blank so that Ben can grow up to lead the genocide against Dharma. That was very well thought out Ajiras and Losties. Save Ben, kill one hundred. Well, make it a thousand. Ben grows up to be a busy boy. I really don’t like the amnesia angles in stories. It’s a cop out to coming up with an intelligent solution. Before Richard goes, he is asked if they should check with Ellie and/or if Charles finds out. Richard declares he doesn’t answer to them. So, Widmore was telling us the truth when he said he was a leader of the Others are one point. Ellie is Eloise Hawking. I went back to check the spelling of her first name on IMDB from the Jughead episode. She is listed as Young Eloise Hawking.

From 5.3
…Eloise Hawking, where Elle would be a natural nickname. We learned that Eloise was her first name through an enhanced episode repeat. Then again, don’t forget that the first rat Daniel trained to run through the maze in his lab was named Eloise. Could this be the person that becomes Hawking? Could she be Daniel’s mother? Then, who is the father? Is it crazy to think Charles Widmore is Daniel’s father? Charles and Eloise would be about the same age off the island, both were young 50 years in the past. Maybe they left the island because Charles got Elle pregnant, and mothers were dying on the island. Widmore is funding Daniel. Hawking and Widmore are both interested in the island, but seemingly not working together, if Ben is working for Hawking. So Charles and Elle had a falling out. Let take it even further. Desmond is Scottish, and I believe Penny is too. We now that Penny is possibly Widmore’s kid. Daniel might be….

She is Daniel’s mother for sure. If she is romantically linked to Charles Widmore, which is certainly possible, then she is Penny’s mother too. Danile and Penny are brother and sister. Something I don’t think Ben realizes. If he is working with Eloise Hawking to find the island in the present, why would he be looking to kill her daughter, Penny? Weird stuff. Richard carries Ben to the Temple, and slips inside. There is no evidence whatsoever of the smoke monster. Could this current time predate the smoke monster? Or is it just protecting the Temple from certain people, clearly not worried about Richard. We do know that Ben mentioned in past seasons that the Temple was a haven for the Others. Although I wonder how Smokey would have reacted to Rousseau arriving last season if she wasn’t met by Keamy and his men before she got there. Ben wakes up with very little face wounds, as opposed to the last time we saw him on the cot. He looks up and Locke is there to wish him a warm Hi, buddy. Ben looked a bit surprised, or maybe he is simply looking for some more extension cord just behind Locke.

Decent episode, really seems to be setting up the next few episodes. The purge timetable is most likely been pushing up in time. The cover of Sawyer and the imposter Dharmites, along with Ajiras will all be blown. Soon.. The future is still murky and gloopy. Desmond will have to show up at some point this season. What year and what episode though? The Temple is taking on an increasing importance on this show. I am really, really curious about it.