6.4 The Substitute

I’d like to take a moment and acknowledge a brand new reader of my ramblings. An anonymous poster at the blog site dropped by and conveyed to me the message that “You sound like a focking moron.” Welcome aboard, ma’am. Let me explain that my particular style of LOST commentary is using a brief recap style, interjecting thoughts, theories, and ridiculous notions in between scenes. It’s much easier that trying to write theories and having to fully recreate scenes over and over again, and I can’t count on everybody to re-watch each episode 3 to 13 times like some kind of autistic douche. So picture yourself sitting in my very lived in living room as I watch the episodes, hit pause, take a swing at some beverage, or swig, and complain or explain something that comes to mind. I can assure you that none of these will ever win a Pulitzer or the more prestigious Oprah Book of the Month. Some people just can’t get past hundreds of death threats and a couple dozen attempts on their life. That’s right, Oprah, I haven’t forgotten about you.

Police in Lilburn near Atlanta have charged Westley Strellis with 29 counts of criminal damage to property in the second degree. Witnesses tell police he grabbed a metal baseball bat from the sporting goods section Wednesday, February 10th, walked to the electronics department and destroyed the TVs on display.

While I don’t live in Atlanta, it would seem that I was not the only one disgusted by the Kate episode from last week. Sure, I watched Batman Begins recently, as when the Scarecrow villain puts on his mask and the drugged victims sees maggots and other creepy crawlies squirming along the burlap covered face, I can only see the image of Kate. Jack is a whole other ballgame; he is like one of the lead marionettes from Team America: World Police, but with less range. Jack is a statue on Easter Island. Reflecting back on seasons past, Jack was a decent character back in Season 1 and was still somewhat tolerable in Season 2. Then he just took a spill off the high dive and fell awkwardly into the Olympic sized pool of suck. Notice the strange coincidence? No Kate, no Jack, good episode. Simple, right? Jack tries to blow up the world to win back Kate, but Kate still doesn’t love him. Meanwhile, Terry O’Quinn is acting his ass off, and carried this episode with the help of Sawyer, another one doing a bang up job. Good stuff this week, really good stuff.

A couple of frustrating developments from the enhanced episode from last week. The LAX loop is being referred to as a flash sideways, and term I am not all that comfortable with, but they just don’t want to use dual reality. In fact, the stupid pop ups explained that this is what would have happened if the plane never crashed. Which is total horsesh!!t, because details have changed from episode 1.1 of this series and episode 6.1. Things in the past changed the present details, or they are running through another loop. But don’t give me the bullsh!!t that the plane never crashed. At some point, it had to crash, in a previous loop or like it originally did. Why else is Hurley lucky, Shannon isn’t on the plane, and Helen is engaged to Locke? These dickwad writers can take a sh!!t in a hat and wear it.

Locke takes a spin on the world’s slowest rollercoaster from his van to his front yard, and gets stuck. Instead of calling for assistance, Locke decides that the ramp can’t tell him what he can’t do, and face plants firmly into the front lawn. I’ll chalk that one up as a victory for everybody who can’t ever use handicapped parking spots. The best part of the fall is the sprinklers going off and soaking John, much like random rain storms on the island would drench John. I just needed a ground hog to pop out of a hole and fart in Locke’s face. I don’t know why LOST insists on calling Peg Bundy Helen, but they do. Locke and Helen are planning a wedding in October, which is odd when you consider the Claire ultrasound was dated 10/22/2004 in the last episode. Doesn’t give them much time. They want to invite Locke’s father to the wedding. OK. Let’s pause for a second. The last time we saw Helen alive was when she told John that she would not marry him, in the parking lot of the motel, where John just dropped off a bag full of cash in helping his father with a con. We saw Helen’s gravesite, as John and Abaddon were visiting it just before Ben shot Abaddon and Locke drove off and got into a car accident, a few days prior to dying as Jeremy Bentham. Helen is alive, Ben is on good terms with his father, so how did Locke become paralyzed, as his father pushed him out an 8 story window to cause it in the previous timeline/loop? And if Locke’s father is not arguably a criminal at this point, are Sawyer’s parents alive? Helen finds Jack’s business card amongst Locke’s clothing. Helen wonders aloud what are the odds of running into a spinal surgeon, much like Ben said about Jack being on the plane the day after Ben was diagnosed with a spinal tumor. A much better rollercoaster than Locke’s Lift was the island tour we got from a smoke monster view, rollicking and rolling along, going up to the Barracks, and then retreating. Well, the reflection in the window didn’t exactly make the smoke monster look dark black, but it certainly wasn’t white. Locke did once describe seeing a white smoke monster on the island. But since we have never seen any proof of Jacob being able to do the cool sh!!t that MIB can, you have to assume that it’s MIB. Especially since it retreats to where he left piñata Richard hanging from a tree. I’ve said it many times before, the Smoke Monster is my favorite character on the show. Even though it turns out that MIB is Smokie is Locke, I’m not changing my rooting interests. When MIB shape shifts, he can recreate clothes and a backpack. But a machete, he cannot carry for some reason, as he picks one up out of the grass to cut down Richard. I suppose we never have seen Smokie with a weapon in any previous manifestation, unless you count Dave throwing a comfortable shoe at Hurley. Must be part of the Book of Laws.

And the commercials this week On Demand are again for Alice in Wonderland and the Bruce Willis singlehandedly saves the world flop. Which flop? I can’t tell them apart. Swell. Just 24 more viewings of each commercial. John returns from his trip to the Tustin box company. Randy is playing a box company supervisor this week and likely to play a chicken shack supervisor next week, dam that kid is versatile. Randy peppers John with question and accusations as if he was married to Tiger Woods? You’re fired. Back in the jungle, MIB and Richard have a conversation. Condensed…
MIB: What I’ve always wanted, for you to be with me.
Richard: Why do you look like John Locke?
MIB: I knew he would get me access to Jacob. John’s a candidate….was.
Richard: A what?
MIB: He never said why? I’ll tell you everything.
A bit of a problem here. The Other Others seem to understand about candidates, as they received the list from Jacob and understood what the Losties were. Aldo and Justin in the jungle with Kate and Jin understood what the candidates were as Justin protested shooting Jin over this very reason. Ilana thought Frank might be a candidate, so they hijacked him to come over from the Hydra. Ben accused Widmore of breaking the rules back in Season 4, after Alex was murdered, rules most likely pertaining to candidates. Yet, here is Richard, the only bumble fock servant of Jacob on this island completely oblivious of “candidates”. How unrealistic is that? The man is black sees a child/manifestation in the clearing beyond Richard, perhaps 7 years old, with blood on his hands/arms. Somebody get this kid a tampon. Richard turns to look, but the child is gone. It’s not that Richard couldn’t see him, but in this show, people and things disappear rather quickly. MIB is a bit perplexed but leaves Richard behind and walks away. Who did MIB see? Let’s start with dispelling the nonsense that is was Aaron. Aaron has a big head. When you see Aaron’s profile, it’s the same image as a hot air balloon. This kid did not have a huge coconut. Aaron isn’t even on the island. If Walt had some ability to teleport his image, it was his same exact image, not a grown up, older image. Aaron is 3 years old right now. Not Aaron. So, what else? Could be a young Jacob, a reborn Jacob. But, he appeared to Hurley as himself, looking to be the same age, very recently. So far, we have zero evidence that Jacob can shape shift or become a smoke monster thus far. A possibility might be the island itself is manifesting itself. Think about it. MIB fears no candidates, is hostile to Jacob, who seems like a peer. Who the hell can rattle MIB’s cage? The island itself might be able to, asserting itself into the final game. Otherwise, who knows who the kid is at this point? Ben re-enters the foot, and Ilana is crying over either her fallen comrades, or the death of Jacob, or not getting a Vermont Teddy bear for Valentine’s day. Ben explains that Locke turned into a pillar of black smoke and killed these men. Ben continues to refer to MIB as “Locke” completely oblivious as to what has actually occurs, and no one is correcting him. Ben cops out for now and says that Locke killed Jacob too. This may or may not turn out to be significant at some point, but for now, Ben, MIB and Jacob are the only people who know Ben actually killed Jacob and not MIB. Ilana gathers up a couple of handfuls of Jacob’s ash and proclaims that MIB is recruiting. She is one the same wavelength as the Other Others in the Temple. It’s odd that Richard and Ben seem a bit in the dark over these developments. MIB goes back to the Barracks as Locke, amidst the blasting of Iggy and the Stooges through loudspeakers, and Sawyer is drinking his ass off. Sawyer tells MIB I thought you were dead. That’s a dedicated drunk, not letting the appearance of death interrupt hoisting another one.

Sawyer doesn’t want to be rude, so he pours a liter of whiskey for both himself and his uninvited guest. The drink sloshes around in MIB’s hand, which prompts him to taste the liquid on his fingers. Well, we saw MIB eat a mango, so we know he can consume stuff. Pantsless Sawyer moseys back over to his couch, and I swear on all things holy that he has a gigantic black smeared stain on the back of his boxers. Hey, now. I wasn’t looking at Sawyer’s ass. I couldn’t help but look at the obvious stain. Sawyer is modeling his “Oops, I crapped my pants” style. I suppose that is why MIB didn’t drink, as he feared he would sh!!t himself too. That’s must be some GOOD dam whiskey. Sawyer toasts and than tells MIB to beat it. A dawning realization comes over Sawyer. Hey, you’re not John Locke. So THAT’S how you can tell MIB is pretending to be somebody else. You need to be piss drunk. Shame on the Others for not figuring that out. Sawyer: John Locke was scared. I’m not so sure. Are you really being scared when you are stomping around an island like you are some kind of Colonel Kurtz, throwing knives into people’s backs and trying to allow some monster drag you off into some dark hole. Was this an early attempt by MIB to infect John, way back in season 1, the whole dragging thing when they went to get dynamite? MIB has seen enough of Sawyer’s front bulge and needs to think fast on his feet to convince him to put on some pants. After all, MIB doesn’t exactly strike me as being fruity. “I can tell you why you are on this island. I can show you”. There ya go. That did the trick. Time to put on some pants. Locke is exasperated by someone parking a van right next to his van. The nerve. And in a parking lot, no less. What will they think of next? Locke tries to damage the van with his mechanical lift, but it jams. Gee, the owner of van got lucky to not get a scratch. You’d think he was the luckiest guy in the world. Here’s Hurley.
From 6.2 LAX Part Two
In the background, Hurley is talking business, about expanding his franchises into Australia and the Tustin inventory report. Previously, on LOST, we found out that Hurley owned the box company in Tustin that Locke used to work for, and most likely currently works for. Kate jumps into the same cab as Claire, pulls out a gun, and tells the driver to go.
John throws a tantrum and insists that he can park anywhere he wants. Well, so can Hurley, so cram it up your cram hole. John explains that he was fired, and Hurley identifies Randi as a douche. That’s a little harsh. I enjoyed Randi giving Locke the business, and he was perfectly justified in canning the Colonel, if for no other reason to break up the lunch time game of Risk. Stupid Risk. Hurley gives John a contact at a temp agency to hook him up with a job. I miss crazy Hurley, who had to keep asking people if they were dead. This guy has his sh!!t together, and it’s annoying me. Nobody likes a winner. We find out what happened to the Others on the beach near the foot, as left for the Temple. Let’s see if they compare notes with the Other Others, something the Losties had a lot of trouble doing the first couple of seasons. Ilana guesses that Jin is probably there too. Wrong. Sun wants to bury John. Nice. If John comes back to life, it will have to be as a zombie pulling himself out of the grave. Cool visual. Don’t forget, Season 7 of LOST will feature nothing but zombies. We will permit Kate to be alive, as who could tell the difference? Sawyer tells MIB that everybody else is at the Temple. This Temple is apparently the place to be, the hot, swinging club in town. Sawyer fails to inform the big guy that Kate is most likely running around somewhere. Dam it. He should have narced her out. Sawyer and MIB see a kid standing near them. Oh, this is definitely young Jacob. No doubt about it. Not Aaron, not the island, but Jacob. His appearance, his demeanor. MIB chases Jacob through the jungle like a crazed con man chasing a floating bottle of whiskey. When MIB falls, Jacob turns to lecture him. “You know the rules, you can’t kill him”. A reference to Sawyer, letting the viewer know that this is not the episode Sawyer dies in. Locke’s old persona breaks through for a miraculously brief moment like sunshine in Seattle. “Don’t tell me what I can’t do.” Not exactly “Luke, I am your father” but it was still dramatic. Or funny. It was definitely something. Jacob walks off while glaring.

Richard manages to find Sawyer, and I could swear that his sweating is making Richard’s eyeliner run a bit. “Let’s go to the Temple and find some booty.” Are the hip young kids still using the word “booty”? Sawyer is no wing man. The MIB has some answers and Sawyer is against all odds sober enough to follow him through the jungle. How the hell is Sawyer not staggering around and slurring his speech? I bet he would fail a sobriety test right now. But I guess the island is magical place where people heal and suffer no hangovers. Richard: No, he wants to kill you, he wants everybody dead, including your friends. It must be sad to go through life as a complete boob. I have lost all respect for Richard, who seemed like a cool cat for a long time. He knows NOTHING. Jacob told him squat, and in turn, Richard told Ben squat. Holy fockballs. How can Richard not know what candidates are? How can Richard not know that Sawyer is a candidate and can’t be harmed? While it’s true that MIB wants the candidates dead, he personally can’t kill them. Manipulation can kill the candidates. So, why does it seem that the Other Others know more than Richard. When Richard brought shot Ben to the Temple, I bet he simply handed him to Aldo and said “well, you guys know what to do, I’ll just be running along to get a scoop at the ice cream hatch”. Richard is weak and worthless. Locke goes to the temp agency, and is interviewed by the psychic that Hugo’s father hired to convince him that he wasn’t cursed. People continue to gravitate towards the Oceanic 815 in this flashsideways, but to be fair, I’m sure lots of things gravitate towards Hugo’s mass. Get it? That was a physics joke? Sigh. If you were to describe yourself as an animal, what would it be? Personally, I’d go with yeti. Are you a people person? Look, you gypsy b!tch, you want to read my palm? Because it’s going to leave an imprint on your face in about 5 seconds. Well, Locke didn’t say that, but he should have. The supervisor is Rose Nadler, so I guess she is still married to Bernard as her maiden name is Henderson. A game of I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours breaks out, and it is terminal cancer vs. crippled legs. These two are clearly the life of the party wherever they go. Rose tells Locke that she had accepted it, got past the denial, and wants to help John find a job he can do. Keep the lampshades away from these whacky nuts. Still, it’s a jarring contrast of John constantly saying don’t tell me what I can’t do vs. finding something he can do. Drop the negative and focus on the positive. Yuck. Being positive sucks. I’d rather run a grater over my genitals. Sawyer references Of Mice and Men for the second time in the series, the first being when Ben led Sawyer to the top of a rise on Hydra island and told him that there was nowhere to go if he tried to escape the polar bear cages again. Sawyer threatens to recreate the key scenario of the book by putting a bullet into MIB’s skull. Surprisingly to Sawyer, MIB tells him “Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?” MIB starts whining about being trapped, I forgot what it’s like to be free, I was once a man just like you, and that’s the truth. Apparently, MIB is married. It does draw into focus the concept of substitution, and that MIB wants to reclaim his once humanity. But if he were looking simply for a substitute, he already grabbed one in Locke. So, how does a black pillar of smoke escape being trapped? The really problematic part of the whole speech is that MIB has been off island. Who else was appearing as Libby to Michael? How about Christian appearing to Jack in the hospital? Smoke detector went off. Remember? It’s not about being physically trapped on the island. It’s about being trapped in a role, being the foil to Jacob’s jackassery. But he already grabbed Locke. Sloppy, writers, very sloppy.

What lies in the shadow of the statue? He who will save us all. Don’t forget this little tidbit from last season, because Locke’s dead body is still lying in the shadow. Well, until Ilana and Ben start to carry his carcass across the beach to a graveyard. Ilana explains that they needed to show who they were up against, namely MIB disguised as Locke. Now, he can’t change his appearance, he is stuck that way. Why? How the hell should I know? This guy has shape shifted from spiders to horses to dead people to living people. Yes, living, as in tall ghost Walt. Don’t assume it’s only dead people. He was Alex when Locke was looking for ropes under the Temple. Why is he stuck NOW? Is it because Jacob is dead now? John is tossed into the ground, and no one wants to give a eulogy. Even in death, Locke Dangerfield gets no respect. Ooh, somebody step on a duck? *Braaap* Ben finally sighs and steps up to the plate. John was a believer, a man of faith, a better man than I will ever be, I’m sorry I murdered him. You do realize that Ben was bragging about killing John. Frank calls it the weirdest funeral he’s ever seen. No, it’s the weirdest one because you are sober and lucid, Frank. Here is a man desperately in need of a pot brownie. An alarm clock rings, sounding exactly like the warning noise from the Swan hatch when the button wasn’t pressed soon enough, and Locke awakens. I am having a hard time looking at John without that scar above and below his eye. John calls Jack’s office and a secretary answers the phone. John is startled. Now, I am not claiming to be an expert at making a phone call, but some say I am very capable of performing this routine, everyday task. When I call a doctor’s office to make an appointment, I am not expecting to talk to the actual doctor. Doctor’s have things to do, like seeing patients, playing golf, and defrauding health insurance companies. I expect to talk to a secretary. John is stunned. Hey, I thought this was Jack’s number. I must have misdialed. John hangs up. John Locke is truly a candidate. For worst prank caller ever. So, how did John and Helen get engaged? In previous versions of LOST, we saw Helen meet John in a group therapy session, where John went off kilter from his father stealing his kidney. John is on good terms with the ‘ole man. So, no therapy, no daddy issues apparently, but John is paralyzed and engaged to Helen. What the fock is going on here? Screw it. I don’t want any more wasted time spent on the filler LAX timeline/reality. Just, get back to the goodness. Nothing interesting ever happens off the island. And when you take a look at my boring life, you’d swear to the same thing. Helen is sporting a Peace and Karma t-shirt. I found it much more interesting that there were literally hundreds of vases all over Locke’s and Helen’s love shack. A vase is vessel, and Locke’s body….ah, who cares? Symbolism aside, I was sickened by the decorating motif. Stop calling me fruity. John confesses that he was fired. Well, John really planned out this wedding thing. First, risk your life trying to go on a walkabout in a wheelchair, then get fired to make sure you have zero financial security. Right on schedule there, Johnny. John: Go ahead, open the just delivered luggage. When Helen took a peak, I was expecting to see the head of Gwyneth Paltrow. That’s right Helen, I’m Dexter. Don’t tell me what I can’t do. I’m a wheelchair serial killer. I always catch my prey. Bwhahahaha. Well, unless they go up some steps. Or a really steep hill. Or when it’s snowing. Then I’m focked. John explains that they wouldn’t let him go on the walkabout, and they were right. Wow. What a change in John’s basic principles. He’s become a quitter. I’m sick of what I can’t do. I can’t walk. There are no such things as miracles. John stops just short of proclaiming that there are no such things as islands and that he was the Duchess of Yorkshire Pudding. Helen is impressed, since she has always wanted to financially support a man that has given up on himself. They rip up Jack’s card. I think I need some air. OK, I’m back after a 5 minute breather to vomit and then start drinking. That doesn’t sound quite right. So, if John was able to walk on the island, how did it happen, short of a miracle. MIB hasn’t shown any ability to heal people. Neither has Jacob. Ben and Sayid were taken to the Temple to heal. When Locke fell and Jacob touched him, Locke was still busted up. So, how did Locke walk? The connection to the island? He thought he was special and the island was a place where miracles happened. Well, I guess it is a miracle place after all. Nothing that we have learned about Jacob and/or MIB has changed that. Sawyer is drunk ladder climbing, a brand new event in the tedious Winter Olymics, a global showcase of how much of an epic fail Canada is. Beep. Beep. Here comes the Faildozer. But it’s powered by green power. Even the faildozer breaks down. The ladder breaks, exactly how we’ve seen in the endless LOST promos that we have all seen over the last month or so. Call it a tremendously anticlimactic action sequence. Which is how you can describe nearly every scene in every movie starring John Travolta. MIB keeps Sawyer from falling, keeping a candidate alive. But MIB would not have been directly killing Sawyer. He could have let him fall. Yet, at this point, he must be more interested in recruiting than ending the list. Hey, it’s a cave. There is a balancing scale, with a white rock and a black rock. While you may still cling to some notion of Good vs. Evil, this show is nothing about that particular timeless battle. Besides, as the immortal Rick Moranis told us in Spaceballs, “Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.” MIB is an assh0le. Jacob is an assh0le. Hey, I’m not kidding about Jacob. He wanted to save Sayid by bringing him to the Temple. Hey, assh0le, Juliet is right over there. She is on the list (#55). She is a candidate. What, you’re through with her? She’s no longer worthy? Eliminated before the evening gown competition? So, you just let her die. How hard would it have been to grab Juliet along with Sayid and try to save both? But NOOOOOOOOO. Jacob simply let her die. Jacob allows a hell of a lot of people to die. This game better be important. Not like some kind of hockey game, because everybody knows hockey never matters. But this game between MIB and Jacob has cost a lot of people their lives. MIB picks up a white rock, and tosses it into the angry sea, my friend, like an old man trying to return soup in a deli. While MIB proclaims this to be Jacob’s cave, I find it an odd declaration. Jacob lived in the foot, and maybe at times in the cabin. When did Jacob ever live in this cave? Doesn’t it seem more likely like MIB’s lair. He knows his way around it quite well, knew what they would find when they got there. Hell, we’ve never seen where MIB actually lives, other than the vents in the Temple when Ben was “judged”. This is why you are here, and the walls are covered in names and numbers. Let’s see what we can identify.

2 - Lacombe (French guy)
4 - Locke (John)
8 - Reyes (Hugo)
10 - Mattingly (US Army)
15 - Ford (James)
16 - Jarrah (Sayid)
20 - Rousseau (Robert, Danielle, or Alex)
23 - Shephard (Jack or Christian)
29 – Brennan (French guy)
31 - Rutherford (Shannon)
33 – Martin (Karl)
42 - Kwon (Jin, Sun, or Ji Yeon)
49 - Eko (Mr. or Yemi, depending on what their last name was)
55 - Burke (Juliet)
64 - Goldstein
71 - Franetzki
90 – Troupe (Gary, Lostie)
115 - Bargas
117 - Linus (Roger, Ben, or Emily)
119 – Almieda
134 – Chang (Dr Pierre or wife Lara)
140 - Lewis (Charlotte or her parents David, Jeanette)
171 – Straume (Miles)
175 - Costa
195 - Pace (Charlie)
197 – Skeckler
202 - Harccus
221 - Carlyle (Boone)
222 - O'Toole
231 - Amistad
233 – Jones (US Army)
249 – Garner
251 – Yaris
272 – Oralinco
282 - Aguella
285 – Jenkins (Steve, Lostie)
291 - Domingo
313 - Littleton (Claire or Aaron)
317 - Cunningham (US Army)
321 – Fernandez (Nikki, Lostie)
335 – Henderson (Rose’s maiden name)
346 - Grant
761 - Faraday (Daniel)

?? - Aguila
?? - Goodspeed (Horace or Ethan or Olivia or Amy)
?? – Pickett (Danny or Colleen, Others)
?? - Reynolds
?? – Sullivan (Lostie)

Some random thoughts. No Kate Austen on the list, and I say the heavens be praised. Kate is a wishy washy colostomy bag, not a future ruler of an island. I wouldn’t put her in charge of a lemonade stand. And don’t give me the “she must be number 108” nonsense. Just because Jacob visits you doesn’t put you on the wall. Jacob visited Ilana. Is she on the wall? There is no #108 in the Valenzetti Equation.

The Valenzetti Equation is the mathematical equation developed by the reclusive Princeton University mathematician Enzo Valenzetti. Its creation was the result of efforts made following the Cuban Missile Crisis by the United States and the Soviet Union to find a solution to the hostility and danger of imminent global disaster created by the Cold War. The equation was secretly commissioned through the UN Security Council and is used to predict the time of human extinction. According to the 1975 orientation film in the Sri Lanka Videoo, the Valenzetti Equation "predicts the exact number of years and months until humanity extinguishes itself." During the video, Alvar Hansoo also states that the radio transmitter on the Island, will "broadcast the core numerical values of the Valenzetti Equation." The numbers, 4,8,15,16,23,42, are the numerical values to the core environmental and human factors of the Valenzetti Equation. Alvar Hanso also states in the video that the purpose of the DHARMA Initiativee is to change the numerical values of any one of the core factors in the equation in order to give humanity a chance to survive by, effectively, changing doomsday.

There is no guarantee of a number 108 here, people. We knew the numbers would be explained at some point, and the relevance to Jacob. To prevent doomsday through a key change. Who was crossing off the names in the cave, MIB or Jacob? If it was Jacob, how the hell did he cross off Juliet’s name, since she died after Jacob did? Oh, that’s because you don’t have to be dead to be crossed off. Miles is on the list, as is potentially Ben and Claire. So, you simply have to be eliminated from contention to be crossed off. Or dead. Because what kind of candidate are you if you are dead. Still, it was MIB that crosses off Locke’s name, not Jacob, so MIB is making the decision that Locke is no longer a Jacob substitute. Might be a mistake, as the whole show is Locke centric, Locke is a substitute, literally, in the dual reality, so maybe, just maybe Locke remains a candidate. Let’s face it, the names not crossed off are a sorry bunch of people. They actually left the island. MIB said that Locke was the only one that didn’t want to leave. Why is that any different now? Sayid is ready to die, Jack only wants Kate, Jin and Sun have a kid back home, Sawyer doesn’t give a rat’s piss about anything, and Hugo is inept. Locke is the only person from the beginning of the series that has shown any possible predisposition to be a protector or an island. He is the sole person worthy of such a role. Hugo? Please. Jack? Has the intelligence of a totem pole. Jack's main issue is that he is in love with Kate. Why did Jack try to blow up the island? He confessed to Sawyer that he lost Kate and he needed to reset things to get her back. Jack might care about people somewhat, but everything he does right now is motivated by his winning Kate back. Will that mean Jack becomes protector of the island solely for Kate? Maybe to save her life. But he will not do it for the island. Jack is also a doctor. He doesn't usually leave sick people behind, but he did at the Swan in 1977. He was so desperate to be given another chance with Kate, he left Sayid to die, hoping the bomb would reset things so as a side benefit Sayid could live. Now, he probably feels some guilt, and needs to fix Sayid because he neglected him because of his obsession with Kate. Jack wasn't going with Kate into the jungle from the Temple because he knew she was going chasing after Sawyer. He knows he hasn't won her back yet, so let Sawyer drive her away again back into Jack's arms, knowing how angry Sawyer was. Jack returned to the island because off island Kate didn't want anything to do with him anymore. He needed to get island Kate back. If a central theme with the candidates and the island and the battle between MIB and Jacob is Choice and Free Will, why would any of the remaining candidates WANT to stay and protect the island. These are very selfish people doing selfish things for selfish reasons. As far as the rules, when Ben accused Widmore of breaking the rules, it must have been against the rules for anyone to kill a candidate, in which case Alex would have been the Rousseau. So, why did young Charles want to kill Alex to begin with? Is Jacob is a savage murderer and simply kills off people when they are deemed unworthy. Like the Purge. Ben repeatedly tried to break the rules. He ordered the death of all non females on the beach at the end of Season 3. Ben blew up the freighter with candidates on it. Ben killed Locke. Ben orchestrated the Purge. Was this done at Ben’s request or Jacob’s request through Richard, as Ben never talked to Jacob before he killed him. Ethan tried to kill Charlie, another candidate. Goodwin talked highly about Ana Lucia as potentially being a candidate, but it’s probably not the same thing. Some names are crossed off none at all, some once, some multiple times. These could possibly signify how many times these people died in previous tests, which would be previous iterations in loops. And when you show the ability to fail, in other words die, then you probably aren’t a good candidate. But there are still inconsistencies. MIB killed Mr Eko. He should not have been able to. The Temple Others were really, really careless trying to kill the Losties without knowing who they were.

Back to the show. John is now a substitute teacher running a gym class full of students that are running, and teaching teenagers about the birds and the bees. As Locke wheels himself into the teacher’s lounge, lo and behold, if it isn’t Ben Linus!! And he’s acting like a total ass. Happy days are here again. Fear not, I shall make a fresh pot of coffee. I’m Ben Linus, and I teach European history. My hero. I feel like a teenage girl watching American Idol. That last sentence just gave my goose bumps and no doubt nightmares for the foreseeable future. I feel chilly from the goose bumps. As Sawyer peers at the cave walls covered in names and scratch outs, MIB tries to explain some stuff. This was Jacob’s cave, which is dubious to me. He died yesterday. Jacob had a thing for numbers. You met him at some point in your life. Most likely when you were vulnerable or miserable. He manipulated you, pushed you into choices, pushed you towards the island, because you are a candidate. Well, to be fair, Jacob and MIB both are/were doing the same thing. Manipulating people for their own benefit. MIB: Jacob thought he was the protector of this place, and you’ve been nominated for the job. This really sucks if you don’t want the job. Let some illegal alien have the job, I’ll just kick back and drink Budweisers for the next two years while the government pays me to sit at home and watch daytime judge shows. There are three choices:
- Do nothing and see how it plays out
- Accept the job, protect the island from nothing, it’s just a dam island, Jacob wasted lives
- We just go and get off the island, together, sort of like eloping
Sawyer likes option #3. So, the MIB has been off the island before, but needs Sawyer to go with him? This makes no sense. Also, MIB was really selling how dumb #2 was. Overselling. Sawyer, a con man, must have seen that. Sawyer is probably trying to figure out how to con MIB. Of course, #1 is the best option. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to take a #2, if you know what I mean, so that will wrap up this weeks nonsense from this focking moron.