6.13 The Last Recruit

Random thoughts. Since we have a rerun episode this week, I didn’t exactly feel like I had a set deadline with this waste of my and your time of a stupid write-up. Unfortunately, I’m still recovering from illnesses and whatnot. You would thing that over the years one might build up a tolerance to mace much as my liver has to anything I imbibe, but alas, it is not so. Even at death’s door, I took part in the glorious 3 days of decadence, the triathalon of turpitude, shunning the Ten Commandment, breaking 12 of the seven deadly sins (since I may have broken some of them more than once). Yes, the NFL draft descended upon the world like a swarm of locusts, and it was a blur of grilling, boozing, updating spreadsheets, brawling, nose bleeds, buggery, getting into a staring contest with a fish, and cutting off the head of Gwyneth Paltrow, not that she’ll miss it or have it affect her career. Cleaning up Sunday morning, I noticed detailed notes on a business venture of a pizza pie place that delivers to anywhere a traveling vehicle may go. It was called Car-Pie Diem. I can’t remember if I stole the idea from somewhere, or if I’m simply a genius. You know that creepy kid we’ve been seeing this season. Yeah, I need to be more specific. The kid on the island that keeps appearing to MIB, among others. I don’t know why, but it sent my mind into my thought archives, and the kid reminds of other scenarios of other shows I’ve seen in the past. Such as on X-Files, after Mulder and Scully became part time participants, there was one episode where a kid was able to conjure up images out of his mind when he was upset, like putting live crab creatures into somebody’s stomach. There was another episode, where Michael Emerson, we know him as Ben, was able to conjure up a whole world of the Brady Bunch sitcom inside his house. And then there was an Amazing Story episode/movie, where a kid was able to imagine anything at all, and was able to trap tourists at his home with his mind manifestations. I wonder if that kid is somehow controlling the game in his mind, setting the rules. He is the puppetmaster, pulling the strings of Jacob and MIB. After all, don’t we seem to learn every season that there is yet another group or person controlling everything at the end of every season? Another layer to the show. Here is another brain buster. What if the show actually ended at the end of Season 5. God, I hope so. This season we are seeing TWO dual timelines, what would have happened if the show doesn’t end with Juliet detonating the bomb, and none of this Season 6 disappointment is actually happening. Please, please, please, let this be so. LOST was mediocre again, showing how hard it is to give a great ending to a great story. They are struggling. Not that the episode was total crap. It was transitional/filler, but lacked humor, anything all that surprising, and worst of all reunited Sun and Jin. But let’s review the episode and see what we can see.

At Camp MIB, MIB asks for an audience with Jack in the jungle. Jack actually checked with Hurley if it was OK. This was more of a transitional moment, where Jack is asking Hurley if it’s OK to take over as leader again. In the clearing, there are two rocks to sit on, but Jack chooses to stand and then squat. Hemorrhoids are a drag, especially when you have seen no evidence of Dharma toilet paper on the island, ever, and you have to wipe your ass with banana leaves. I bet Hugo has to tie some leaves to the end of a stick just to reach far enough. If I was on the island, I’d never leave the Barracks just for the toilets alone. Although, every time you flush, does it summon the Smoke Monster? Does it send a warm stream of water up your ass to cleanse like in some continental locations? J: I have no idea what the hell you are. Jack also doesn’t know to mash a potato, as he always forgets to cook it first. MIB is pissing all over the memory of John Locke. MIB: he was stupid enough to believe he was brought here for a reason, it got him killed. When you digest that sentence, it has a double meaning. Didn’t Jack declare in Season 5 and again this season that they were brought to the island for a reason, it was their destiny. So, the MIB is essentially telling Jack he is as wrong as Locke was. MIB explains that Locke had to be dead before MIB could look like him. Um, so we are ignoring MIB appearing as Walt, polar bear, spiders, boars, an ugly bird, black horse, and possibly Harper Ah, whatever. Jack wants to know if MIB was really Christian when Jack was chasing something back in Season One. I am still having some computer issues, and I’ve lost my patience and some of my archives on my machine, so I’m not going to search through all my past nonsense. On a nearly weekly basis, I have questioned the logic of MIB being capable of being in two places at once, and that he has traveled over water before. I know I’ve referenced that MIB appeared as Christian to Jack because the group needed water. MIB: you needed to find water. But, this does not make sense. Isn’t MIB’s goal to kill everybody, especially candidates on the island. Does anyone believe that he wants to load up a plane with people, somehow get in into the air with no extended runway, no ability to turn it into a hydro plane, no idea of fuel, no windshield, and God knows how many packets of peanuts are left. What, MIB is going to turn into smoke, twist himself into a catapult and fling the plane into the air, and somehow hold on as they shoot through atmosphere? MIB is going to kill them. Even if it’s indirectly, he could have let them die of dehydration and saved himself a lot of trouble. Instead, MIB chose to keep the candidates alive. Brutal lack of logic. MIB: I’ve been trying to help you leave, but because Jacob chose you, you were trapped before you ever arrived. This is an indictment of Jacob’s free will approach to existence, pointing out a major flaw. The candidates didn’t choose to come to the island, but were forced to come. I still can’t accept Jacob as anything but a douchecanoe. MIB explains that they all have to leave together. He’s not just a monster. This is the new and improved Socialist Smoke Monster. Jack laments that Locke was the only believer in this place. MIB: Locke was a sucker. A classic villain blunder, badmouthing a hero before the movie is over. Bring in the frickin’ sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their frickin’ heads. Locke is on a stretcher in an ambulance, Ben is along for the ride. The bad news is that John won’t walk again. The good news is that he was already paralyzed. John gives Helen as his contact person. If I was Helen, I’d be packing right now and heading for the hills. John isn’t exactly the luckiest man in the world. As John is being wheeled into the hospital, Sun on a stretcher comes along side with her own stretcher and emergency team. Again, a near death or other traumatic experience triggers a dual timeline memory, as Sun recognizes John but mistakes him for MIB. “It’s him. It’s him.” in Korean. How cool would it have been to see Locke roll his head to the side and give her a grin? As MIB is returning with Jack they find Claire has been following them. Must be hard to sneak up on a smoke monster. Claire and Jack have a half sister and half brother half assed reunion. At least they didn’t have sex like Shannon and Boone. Claire: did he tell you that he was pretending to be my father?
From 6.5 Lighthouse
While Claire is stitching up Jin, she rambled on about being shot, how the Others have Aaron. First her father told her, then a friend told her. The friend is clearly MIB, but aren’t Christian and MIB one and the same? MIB has been loose on the island since the plane crash of 815? Why does Claire separate out MIB as two beings, when we have specifically been told they are one and the same. It’s unlikely that Claire saw MIB as Locke until very recently, yet immediately identifies him as friend.
Claire is happy that Jack is going with them, but Jack states that he is undecided. Claire: you decided the moment you talked to him, you are with him now. There’s that line of logic again. But, at this point, the only people that have not spoke to MIB are…well, I guess just Miles. He hasn’t interacted with a manifestation of MIB in any way since arriving at the island. You could also make a case for John Locke, except that he has spoken to manifestations of Christian, among others. Even the Widmore crew. So, Miles is the one that will save us all? Miles is the chosen one. This feels me up with joy much like a baby fills us a diaper. Yuck.

Sawyer is gathering up his team as he whispers with Hurley and Kate does hand puppet signals with Sun. Sayid and Claire are not part of Sawyer’s plan as Sayid has changed and Claire is nuts. MIB and Jack have their meeting in the jungle during the middle of the night. MIB and Jack are back now in the middle of the day. Another odd day/night transition, as did they walk ten miles into the jungle? Why would they? At the police station, Sawyer is munching on an apple while Kate sits in handcuffs in a chair. With all the tempting that MIB and Jacob have been doing, it was inevitable that we would get a Garden of Eden reference point with the apple. And they flirt. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Since this is the third excruciating meeting between Sawyer and Kate in this timeline, I suppose Juliet must be Jack’s ex-wife by default. Sawyer: do you remember me? Sure, you’re one of the guys from the Sabotage video by the Beastie Boys. Sawyer talks about the weird coincidence of the plane, the elevator, the car accident. Kate ignores the greater purpose question of universe course correction and leaps right to the “you’re hitting on me” train of thought. Dumb, this one, she is. She does stumble on Sawyer not wanting anybody to know he was in Australia, but in the scheme of things, does this keep Sawyer from being a hero for capturing a very highly wanted fugitive that has been able to escape US Marshalls? And in an elevator in an airport, you could have arrived from anywhere. Miles interrupts the awkward reunion with news of the restaurant shootout, and they have a surveillance photo of Sayid leaving the scene. Jack and Kate stare at Sayid. He’s different. What do you expect? He’s a fricking zombie. The walking undead. Sure, there are flies doing circles around his head and he smells like a hoarder’s apartment. Zoe awkwardly trapezes into MIB’s camp. So, the whole Jin being kidnapped and then Hurley walking into camp didn’t put these people on alert to post security yet. Wow. What happened to the Others being crafty in hiding and tracking and from being found, and now they are Times Square on the island? Zoe: You took something from us, and we want it back. So Desmond is a “something” and “it”. Sure, it’s a plot device to keep the MIB camp from asking who is the “who”, but it also makes Widmore’s group out to be dehumanizing ruffians, which I have no problem with whatsoever. Zoe transmits a signal, and a mortal shell explodes in the background. Zoe demands the something by nightfall and leaves. MIB uses his whittling stick to break the transmitter.

Pregnant Claire has an appointment with an adoption agency and Desmond is following her. Desmond has been a busy bee, playing matchmaker with Hugo, playing demolition derby with Locke’s wheelchair, and catching up Claire, in a very short amount of time since his talks with Eloise and Daniel. Now, it’s funny how much information a plane manifest is going to yield since Desmond knows that Claire is going to be in certain places in certain times, because Desmond would have a hell of a time tracking down a person on a trip from Australia that ends up in a hospital and then goes to an office building. How does Desmond know where to find these people at specific points in time, crucial points in time. Like Jacob did when he touched people. Whatever Desmond is, he is similar to Neo from the Matrix. Yeah, yet another boring Matrix reference from me. Desmond offers services of a lawyer, because he doesn’t want Claire to find herself in a situation that was irreversible. Seems like Desmond is trying to prevent certain events from entering the point of no return, and Claire giving up Aaron is a mistake. If Desmond really wanted to correct mistakes, he’d be chasing Kate down an alley with an axe. Claire agrees to Desmond’s offer. We meet Ilana Verdansky, the lawyer. I sure hope she can handle a property lien better than a sack full of unstable explosives. I couldn’t find any significance to her last name. Of course, you bring back the dead Ilana, but never hit on anything about her background to her island character. Much like Libby last week, we see the return of a character that sheds zero light on many mysteries surrounding them. Ilana has been looking for Claire. At the camp, MIB is giving a speech that is full of convenient fabrications. “These people are provoking us into a confrontation” which is a nice way for MIB to say “I’m going to let you insignificant idiots duke it out, and then I’ll kill the survivors”. The plan remains to go to the other island and leave on the plane. MIB gives Sawyer a mission, to head for the sailboat that Desmond arrived on the island with, sail to Hydra, and take whoever you want. MIB tells Sawyer that it’s easier to travel without the entire group as a whole, to break it up. Which is bullsh!!t. MIB knows that Sawyer is going to try something, he’s a conman and a liar, so MIB wants an excuse to see who is really on his side, and he will deal with the ones that go with Sawyer. MIB’s plan doesn’t make any sense other wise. Of course, Sawyer takes Kate with him for the boat. While MIB walks off with Sayid, Sawyer shares his plan with Jack to meet up at a dock, gives him a map, and tells him to leave Claire and Sayid behind. When Sawyer says that Claire is nuts, we get a shot of her stuffing mangoes into a large woolen sock. I had to wonder if Claire was using this as a transport device, if she thought the mangoes were catching a cold, or making a sex toy. MIB tells Sayid to kill Desmond. He questions whether Sayid still wants what he was promised, Nadia, and Sayid says “yes.”

Sayid arrives at the water well that Desmond was thrown into. It’s a rather short well, with a couple of inches of water at the bottom. I wonder if Desmond has attempted to climb out, as there seem to be foot and hand holds on the walls. The stones may or may not be slippery, but I’ve seen Beary Gryls climb something more daunting on every one of his Man vs. Wild shows. You know, Bear could simply walk around the cliffs or canyons or glaciers or whatever. But nooooooooo. He has to show off his rock climbing skills all the figging time. We get it. You fancy yourself as Spiderman, you fancy gentleman. Now, cut it out. Does he realize that the viewers are now rooting for him to fall and break his head. As Sayid cocks his gun and points it at Desmond, D: what did he offer you? It’s interesting that Desmond has had no recent interaction with most of the characters on the island(s), save Widmore, Sayid, and MIB. Yet, he knows all about the temptations, the deals being offered. Must be part of the knowledge gained while being bombarded with electromagnetism. Sayid wants the woman that he loved, more than the other women that he loved. She’s dead, but he hopes for a reunion because he was dead and came back. Too bad Sayid can’t compare notes with Richard and how that deal just isn’t going to happen. Desmond: what will you tell her? They leave the scene, but I’d imagine the correct response is “hey, baby, when’s the last time you brushed your teeth?” or “I sure wish I hadn’t had you cremated because now I have to have sex with an urn full of ashes” or “don’t you remember me telling you to look both ways before crossing the street?”. I think it’s pretty safe to assume that Desmond did not get shot. Sayid did spare one of the Widmorites, so I can’t imagine he would murder Desmond for no reason. Plus can you imagine the anguish of fans if we find out 3 episodes from now, “oh, yeah, Desmond is dead” and we didn’t see it happen? Sayid flees to Nadia’s house in the dual timeline, and is hurriedly packing. Sayid: I took care of it, I’ve leaving, I’m never coming back. A bit more compelling than I forgot the milk and bread on the way home so I guess we won’t be having any bread pudding for dinner. A knock on the door, and Nadia is stalling Miles. Just like in the Richard episode, how do these cops find Sayid on security tapes, find the address of his brother’s house, and arrive seconds after Sayid does, who has probably done a bee line back right after the shootings. While Sayid was able to do plenty of kills for Ben over a long period of time and didn’t get caught until he quit and Ilana captured him, here he is caught for murdering right away. At least his brother is out of debt, so that’s nice. Sayid runs out the back way and trips over a garden hose. Hell, it’s like he walked into Rousseau’s island trap during Season One. Sawyer and Kate find the sailboat, which somehow has not crashed on the nearby rocks after years of being anchored there, despite tropical storms and shifting tides. Alright, I’ll forgive that error. That’s pretty nitpicky. Kate wants Claire to come too. Sawyer: She’s gone, she’s dangerous, do you want her around Aaron. What Sawyer should have said is that Claire’s loyalty is not towards the Losties anymore since they abandoned her, so she will turn towards MIB the first test she comes across. You just know that when she arrives at Hydra, she will kick over a couple of pylons and let MIB walk right in. Yeah, she might not be the best mother around Aaron, but just look at the kid. Who wouldn’t try to smother him? As the MIB troops move through the jungle, Jack: do you trust Locke? Claire: Yes, he was the only one who didn’t abandon me. It’s really starting to bother me. Claire was injured in the missle attack at the Barracks. She walked away in the middle of the night and disappeared, except for that one time in Jacob’s cabin. It could be a matter of who abandoned who. So, if she was the only one on the island other than the Others, that must mean Rose and Bernard are dead, along with Vincent, since she never found them. MIB if miffed that Sun is giving him the silent treatment, as she scribbles you did this to me as a response. Hey, MIB didn’t order Sun to run face first into a tree. The only thing funnier would have been face first into a grease fire, a meteor, and I will also accept the answer of fire hydrant. Um, I think the actually island probably punished her, as Sun was saying that she didn’t give darn rootin’ tootin’ about what the island wants. Excuse my focking language. So, the island took away her voice, much to the delight of millions of viewers. MIB goes to look for Sayid, giving Jack and the others a very, very, very convenient opportunity to escape. Claire watches as Jack, Hurley, Sun, and Frank abandon her again. Of all the wackiness going on, Claire at this moment has positioned herself into a very sympathetic role. Well, except for the whole axe in the chest thing. But how endearing was it when she tried to kill Kate? Good times, good times. MIB finds Sayid walking around, staring up at the sky, not realizing that it’s probably not a good idea to look directly at the sun. Sayid says he shot Desmond and that MIB can go check if he wants to. MIB trusts him, or miscalculates him, but it’s a mistake either way. There is a meeting at the dock. Sawyer: the only way Dharma people left this island for over 3 years was by sub. But, Sawyer, surely you remember that they could only leave or arrive at certain periods of time, every so often, as it wasn’t a super highway. Claire shows up with a gun at the dock. Then it suddenly clicks into place for me. Look at all the purple. Of course, the famous reference is “the sky turned purple”. But Sayid in the dual timeline was wearing a purple shirt, which is an odd color for him. But look at the boat. Sawyer, Sun, Hurley are all wearing purple. Well, Hurley is more red/purple. Claire has a checkered purple flannel. What the hell is this color coordination? Are these people about to die, a foreshadowing? That leaves Jack with a blue shirt and Frank with white, Kate with gray, Jin with white. There has to be massive bloodshed coming around the corner, and I’m trying to read the tea leaves to so who is going to die. Kate talks Claire into joining them, following up with strong arming Sawyer into letting her get on the boat. “She’s coming or I’m not.” Um, Sawyer, remember how pissed you were when Kate got on the sub with you and Juliet and ruined your escape and that Juliet died twice in the last couple of days? Now, Kate NOT coming is a deal breaker. Really? Juliet’s death becomes more meaningless with every passing show. I’d like to see a fish with a Dharma logo swim up and spit the engagement ring at Sawyer. Kate: I was wrong, I never should have raised him, come with us. Kate needs to make another couple of hundred apologies, but there are only a couple of episodes left. Claire: when he finds out, he will be mad. Well, nobody expects him to do the Pee-wee Herman Tequila dance of joy at a biker bar either.

Jack and his Mini-Me are strolling through a hallway. Young David is making it clear that he wants to hang out with his father, suffocating him with his neediness, clinging like an emotionally empty barnacle on an underwater statue’s ass. They are going to a will reading, a delightful father-son event. David: I’m sad for you, dad. Geez, get this EMO kid some black lipstick, gel, and some sheer pantyhose to wear. Grow a pair. Do you think John Wayne’s kid would have told his father, “Tell me about your feelings?” Wayne would have kicked his son in the balls. Every kid on this show is a creep. Well, except for Walt, who is starting for the Knicks this season. Ilana is leading the will reading. Jack is wearing a purple tie. PURPLE. This has to mean something. Ilana is wearing a purple blouse and purple jacket. Seriously, this is getting weird. Jack meets Claire. Claire: he was my father too. Claire is wearing gray in this timeline. In the other one, MIB and wearing gray. So, it’s purple and gray, predominantly. Backtracking, Desmod is wearing a gray jacket and gray shirt in the elevator with Claire. This has to significant. Jack is not handling the news well, and is trying to gather his thoughts when he gets a phone call about an emergency at the hospital. Nothing like an emergency to cheer a fella up. Jack needs to reschedule the will reading, which certainly is inconvenient for Claire, but never mind her. Sawyer outlines his master plan on the sailboat, which is moving at a rapid clip through the ocean, without use of the sails. Sawyer: be nice to Widmore, take the sub at gunpoint. Simple, yet stupid. How do you get the drop on Widmore, when he has done it to MIB 3 times now? And sent the freighter to kill everybody. Sawyer is desperate to leave the island, and not thinking things through, and nobody is challenging his decision making. This is the same role that Jack played Seasons 1 to 4. Jack: it just doesn’t feel right, leaving the island, I remember how I felt the last time when I left, part of me was missing, we were brought here for a reason, we were supposed to do something, if MIB wants us to leave, maybe we need to stay. This speech was very reminiscent of Locke at the end of Season 4 at the orchid, facing Jack on the island for the last time. Jack has indeed turned into a Stupid Man of Faith. I sincerely hope Jacob Stalin’s plan all along was to leave a trail of death and destruction in order to convert Jack into a believer, because that is sooooo worth the price. Sawyer is not at all pleased with Jack’s soul searching. Get off my dam boat, obviously confusing it with a sail boat. You’re with us, or in the water. Very much like Jack’s reaction to Locke’s speech at the orchid. A total rejection. Jack: the island isn’t done with us yet. A recall to a line uttered by many characters at many times, including Ben, Eloise, and Desmond. Sawyer dares Jack to take a leap of faith off the boat. Jack: sorry about Juliet. Jack jumps, much like Sawyer jumped off the helicopter in Season 4. While Sawyer was trying to save the small group in the chopper, and more specifically Kate, Jack is jumping for a more macro view of things, for better good of everybody. I know I’ve bashed Jack for many, many seasons, and rightfully so. I have to begrudgingly admit that…no, I’m not doing it. Are you crazy? What were you thinking? I’m not going to give him credit. He still sucks. You can shove that Jack is a changed man bull down my throat all you want. It’s not working. I want Jack to be smashed against a coconut tree by Smoke Monster. And for comedic effect, as Jack is laying there dying, I want some coconuts to fall out of the tree and *bonk* him in the face. Kate, of course panics at Jack jumping, because there is one less unfortunate soul to fawn over her. Sawyer: we’re not going back, much like Jack said when they didn’t go back for Jin on the freighter.

Sun wakes up in the hospital, and Jin assures her everything is fine and the baby is OK, and they will live happily ever after. I was so hoping for crane accident and a wrecking ball would come swinging into their room and demolishing them once and for all. Jack and David walk to surgery together. The kid could sit around all night in a waiting room, or could go out and do something productive with his life, but the marshmallow doesn’t even consider it. Jack is told of the pre-existing condition of paralysis and responds with “I can do this” a far cry from counting 5 seconds. Jack looks in a mirror, yes another mirror, and sees Locke’s face. Being that this scene is nearly a recreation of the operating scene of Ben on the Hydra island during Season 3 may have triggered Jack. “I think I know this guy.” Jack turns to the nurse and almost yells “Dammit, Nurse, run!!” Jack swims ashore, like Sawyer did after jumping from the chopper. Unfortunately, there is no Juliet with a bottle of rum waiting for him ashore. MIB and the Others have him at gun point. MIB is not surprised to learn that Sawyer took his boat. Meanwhile, with all this back and forth island travel, do we still have any idea who shot at the time travelers on the boat in Season 5? Sawyer’s crew arrive at the Hydra island, and Widmore’s group jumps out with their guns. Jin sees Sun, and they run towards each other. I wait with baited breath, as each is headed to the pylon at the same exact time. Oh, there will be some hugging and some frothing at the mouth and some anguish. I can’t wait. Yes, another step, Yes, another. Right now…NO!!!! Dagnabbit. The pylons didn’t kill them. Fock, Fock. Fock. Oh, for fock’s sake, she can now speak in English too. I guess I have to look at the bright side of the old stubborn tomato, if you will. They’ve been building up to this moment for about 2 seasons, Sun and Jin’s reunion, and it lasted a few seconds. Fine, it didn’t kill me. It gave me the same happy feeling as chicken pox. No, not recovering from it. I mean getting it. Zoe gets a message on her transmitter. Z: hands up and on your knees. Well, this is a fine pickle. S: we had a deal. Z: deal’s off. Howie Mandell, take notes. This would be a terrific game show. Z: you get a fix on Locke? We are taken to the main island, where we can hear a whistling sound. Nobody moves. It took frigging drooling Jack to say “Get Down” before anybody moved. Have these people not learned anything living on this island? Jack hits the sand and is stuck with loss of hearing, like the characters had at the beginning of the season after the hydrogen bomb exploded. MIB picks up Jack and carries him into the jungle. MIB: it’s OK, you’re with me now. Jack’s eyes said: What? Did you say something? I can’t hear…anything. Dammit, Others, run!!

It was inevitable, but I don’t feel a whit of emotion or attachment to any character anymore, other than the island itself. If anybody, and I do mean ANYBODY dies in this show upcoming, I will simply shrug my shoulders. I guess the island was done with them. Which is rather odd, after enjoying many of their journeys for five seasons. Well, hopefully the mediocrity is behind us and maybe the ending won’t be as unsatisfying as I fear. On the bright side, we might get up to 25% of the answers we deserve, and an ending that doesn’t leave the fate of the world in Jack’s hands. We can hope. At least the Seahawks had a great draft.