Monday, June 14, 2010

6.17 The End Part II

Random thoughts. I was stunned at how much more angry I am with the ending on second viewing. I pray that I get a brain aneurysm before I am forced to ever see it again. I’d rather drink a gallon of stomach acid than have to watch it again. It didn’t make any sense if you want to follow the rules the writers created, bent, and eventually discarded. I am livid over the church scene at the end. My LOST DVDs are currently smoldering outside in my backyard as I doused them in gasoline and danced around a blazing fire, naked in the moonlight. Maybe it was the middle of the day, and my neighbors were having a block party to which I wasn’t invited. But I was definitely naked. LOST gave me and many others years of entertainment, and it’s just a shame for such a fizzling finale. It’s having a hot naked broad in your bed, and having to say “Gee, that’s never happened to me before.” Then she pats you on the head and says “It’s OK, don’t worry about it, these things happen all the time.” Then she goes into the bathroom closes the door, and you can hear the giggling. On the bright side, Jack spent an hour dying, so at least he suffered. From a wound that moved around his body at least three times. The magical, traveling wound. That’s right. Ben isn’t the only one to have that talent. Throughout the whole episode, I kept thinking how Kate was a fairly attractive female during Season 1, and as of this episode, looked a lot like a frizzy rat. Her face was incredibly weasel-like, sort of like a ferret a former friend of mine had. I have to use former a lot since I have no current friends. They’re all dead. I killed them. At least I think they’re dead. They weren’t when I buried them. I just want to pat Kate on the top of her head and feed her pellets of food. So, let’s go forth and finish looking back on this epic failure of an finale, the tragic death of MIB, the blunders of who was and wasn’t in Jack’s shitty church, and the “what, that’s it?” final scenes.

We start with Jack and MIB running at each other on top of some cliffs. Are these the same cliffs that were right over the cave with names that Sawyer traveled to? Possibly. It’s raining really hard, the last rain we will see on the show. Jack and MIB fling themselves at each other and collapse. MIB takes the time to take off his backpack, which he managed to carry around for Seasons 5 and 6 for no reason. So, this must mean that he cannot change into smoke anymore, since if he could, Jack would have been pulverized. So, we’ve established that MIB can’t fight, after seeing young Jacob kick his ass several times. Now, he has to fight as an old man. Why would MIB leaving the island mean the end of the world? He just wants to take a trip. Is that so wrong? Why does Jack have stick his nose into family business. It’s not his fight, but Jacob and Mother vs MIB. Jack has murder on his mind and heart. Premeditated murder. MIB saved Jack’s life during the Widmore attack, and this is the thanks he gets. The fight itself is awkward, since it looks like Jack is fighting his grandfather. Part of the cliffs start to crumble away and fall into the ocean. The island is a giant pothole. MIB reaches for a knife, and manages to stab Jack in the armpit. I rewatched it 17 times. Armpit. Yet, a couple of seconds later, the knife is pulled out from Jack’s midsection, about 6 inches above the belly button. The wound moved about 2 feet. MIB puts the knife to Jack’s throat and sneers “You died for nothing”. I’m sitting at home and sneering “and his head is full of cotton candy too.” I was feeling pure joy at the thought of Jack being shish kabobbed, when the Bride of Frankenstein cowardly puts a bullet in the back of our hero. Kate: I saved you a bullet. Boooo. Kate ruins everything. The writers were so desperate to give Kate something meaningful to do after 6 seasons of committing crime after crime, they had her kill yet another person. Kate is a morally bankrupt person who missed out on a fantastic career running Enron. Jack kicks the mortally wounded MIB off the cliff, onto some rocks down below. Hippocratic oath, my ass. The camera lingers on the lifeless body, no evidence of any smoke, but plenty of evidence of a crime against humanity. MIB’s demise is at the hands of completely repugnant characters. The surgery for Locke is over in the hospital. Jack is bleeding from his neck, mimicking his spilled blood on the island. Somehow, this particular cut has been bleeding about a week in the LAX timeline, so Jack is no doubt a hemophiliac. Which means he’s gay. Locke wakes up before Jack can go for a run on the steps of a stadium because nowadays there is no security at such places in light of terrorist attacks and such. Locke: I can feel my legs. Locke continues to wiggle his toes, stabs Jack in the foot, wheels himself to the parking lot and finds the Pvssy Wagon, spends most of the day playing with his toes, makes up a list of people that he needs to kill, takes a flight to Japan, and takes on the entire country’s population in a fight with a Samurai sword. It’s called Kill Ben Volume I. Locke flashes to island memories, but he doesn’t seem to see the image of dying at the hands of Ben. Funny how that didn’t make it. Jack needs to skedaddle and see his son, which Locke correctly points out that Jack doesn’t have a son. So, David is a figment of Jack’s imagination. Nothing in this timeline matters, so how do you interpret David? The flash sideways is simply stupid in every possible way.

Jack examines his wound, and it’s moved again, this time to about where his pelvis it. And it’s on his side now too. So, the original stab wound has magically moved about 3 feet now. Also, not only did the rain stop instantly, it’s bright and sunny and there is no evidence that any rain has fallen at all, no puddles, nothing. Ben, Sawyer, and Hurley arrive to hear Kate say “it’s over”. Well, I’m more concerned about how they got the enormous tree off Ben, who couldn’t move a few minutes ago. Ben doesn’t even seem to be injured in any way at all. Stupid assh0le writers. Holes in the plot so big, you could drive a battle ship through it. Yes, I know battle ships don’t have wheels. Let’s just assume the tree disintegrated from the acid rain from the Factory Hatch. Sawyer visits Jin and Sun in the hosptital. Sun: it’s OK, I am safe, we will see you there. Well, the scene was short, and Sun and Jin barely talked. That’s fine with me. Frank is testing the plane and sends Miles to fix the hydrolics with duct tape. Has anybody tried using duct tape in plugging the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico, because apparently it’s the 2nd most miraculous invention in history, behind the Shamwow. If duct tape is so incredible, how come hostage don’t lose their lips when you peel duct tape off their mouths? Still not sure why Hydra island is breaking up, as the cork and hole is on the main island way across the ocean. Jack figures out that he needs to reverse whatever Desmond did. Kate wants Jack to forget the silly stuff of saving the world, and instead come with them and let the magic island sink. Considering the Others that are still in the jungle, along with Rose, Bernard, Vincent, Desmond, Claire on the other island, it’s nice that she is willing to let the islands sink just so she can canoodle with Jack again in the outer world. Kate is a real people person. Somehow, rat-faced Kate can’t convince Jack and walks away in a huff. Miss Fussy Britches didn’t get her way and is off to pout. Sawyer is getting ready to go use the sailboat. Ben wants to go down with the island. Hurley says he is too fat for the ladder and wants to embrace certain death by following Jack, which is pretty standard for following Jack the last 6 seasons. Follow Jack = death. Kate cries and kisses Jack, which means that she is going to have sex with Sawyer as soon as she is out of Jack’s sight. Kate and Jack exchange I Love You’s and hopefully AIDS in their spit swapping. Why is a skilled surgeon like Jack bleeding to death? He doesn’t even attempt to seal the wound. Dumbest doctor ever. The kissing was pretty foul. It was like watching two deaf people try to sing karaoke. Cringe worthy. Like kissing an inflatable girl friend. So I’ve heard.

Sawyer and Kate go cliff diving, which is really dangerous considering how many rocks have crumbled off the cliffs in the last few minutes. Oh, how I wanted Kate to land head first on a rock shaped like a triangle. Frank barked to Sawyer to hurry up and get over there. ‘Ole Shag Carpet Chest is getting ants in the pants. In the hospital, Sawyer asks Jack where he could find some grub. Considering that Sawyer has no reason to be at the hospital at the moment, he could simply walk out and grab a bite to eat, but instead settles for the appetizing wares of a delectable vending machine. Sawyer pays for our old friend, the Apollo candy bar, and it won’t dispense. Juliet interrupts to explain that unplugging and then plugging in the machine will get the desired result, and introduces a not so subtle metaphor for what is happening on the island. Desmond popped out the cork of the island so that Jack could find a way to arbitrarily murder MIB and then you need to pop the cork back in so that the island doesn’t sink and everything goes back to normal, other than all the cracks and fissures on the island, and all the parts that fell into the sea. The island is basically ruined. During the first few hours on the job, Jack shatters the island and gets killed. Well, it was his first day, so I guess he’ll get better over the next few weeks. Oh, wait, he’s dead. Sawyer gets his candy bar. “It worked.” Ah, this was what Juliet wanted to tell Sawyer just before she died and then Miles had to read her dead mind. So, Juliet was speaking from the afterlife and actually said nothing meaningful. Meaning that Jack setting off the Jughead bomb did not work even a little bit. There was no reset, no landing in Los Angeles. Dead is dead. Whatever happened, happened. Daniel was wrong, Jack was wrong, Dharma was wrong. Jacob was wrong. Mrs Klugh was wrong. Vincent was wrong. Everybody that said anything during the course of the show was wrong. Juliet: “we should get coffee sometime” utters another quote from when she died in Sawyer’s arms During the season 6 opening episode. Their hands touched and they both flashed to the island memories, including the brutal Juliet falling down the shaft scene. Their reunion scene and kiss was fairly well done and these two really seemed to click on screen. I liked both characters overall, and it’s a shame that this was really the last meaningful scenes they had on the show. I’m not a total monster, and the scene almost made me feel an emotion of some sort, but I can’t tell what it almost was because the anger and bile came back fairly quickly. Hmm, what could it be that would cause me to have such disgust?

So Jack goes to the concert and runs into Kate. Aaaarrghghghghgh. I want to stick a fork in my ear and twirl it. Everybody is gone. No doubt the crowd heard about 2 songs from Daniel Drive Shaft, and left as if the building was on fire. On fire with crap music. I don’t believe Daniel drives and Claire just gave birth. Who drove them home? Details, it’s all in the details. Kate: looking for someone? Well, I’d like to think someone needs Kate’s help in loading a couch into the back of a van and then Kate wakes up at the bottom of a well without skin while a naughty gentleman with a nickname of “Buffalo” is doing a tuck dance to Goodbye Horses in a Kate skin suit. Jack: where do I know you from? I’d go with America’s Most Wanted, Cops, Reno 911 or a supporting character on My Name is Earl. Kate reminds the thinking challenged Jack that she stole his pen on the Oceanic 815 flight. Psst, Jack, this is the 34th person you’ve met from the flight in Los Angeles. Do you still think it’s a coincidence, Sherlock? Kate says how much she has missed Jack and puts her hands to his head. Jack has a bit of a flash, but I expect that I’d have the same feeling if Kate put her hands to my temples. Yes, electric shock therapy and probably some projectile vomiting. Kate: come with me, you will understand. She wrinkles her nose like a rat. Back to the cave, and Jack is to go on alone. Well, you can finally see his neck wound, the one that has been showing up in worthless flash sh!tways timeline. Hurley is crying and being angry over Jack about to die, like a 13 year old girl that just got opened up a present at her birthday party and didn’t get what she demanded from her parents. Jack decides that petulant Hurley should be his replacement to protect the island, mostly because he needs to be replaced by someone who cries really well, and Hurley is putting on a good show. Ben is standing right there. The guy has wanted to be in charge of the island his whole life. And instead, Jack forces the island into the hands of Hurley, who has said in previous episodes he didn’t want the job, and even now is fighting this. Jack is forcing Hurley to be a prisoner of the island for the rest of his life. Jack is an assh0le. Jack fills up a rather worn down and unclean water bottle from a mud puddle, and hands it to Hurley to drink. No chant is forthcoming, so now the ceremony is not following the rules established. Hurley chokes down the filthy, diseased water, and is now the equal of Jack. Except, Jacob and Hurley never had a choice in becoming a guardian. Jack volunteered. So, Hurley is not “just like me”. Franks starts up the plane, which sounds worse than a 30 year old lawnmower. I bet Frank had to pull the string of the plane about 7 times to get it revving. Hugo and Ben lower Jack down into the bottom of the cave, but can’t hold on for long, and Jack plummets the rocks below like Locke in Season 5 fell down the well before turning the frozen donkey wheel. Speaking of which, why exactly was it wrong for Ben to turn it instead of Locke, causing the time travel. That’s what MIB told Locke in that well/Orchid station. In the end, that wasn’t explained either. Jack finds Desmond on the ground. This is no time for a nap. Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey. Desmond explains that he put out the light, but it didn’t work, they are still there, he thought they would disappear, you were right Jack. Jack: there is a first time for everything. While it’s nice to see Jack admit that he never right about anything, he thought Desmond was a weapon to use against MIB. It didn’t really work out that way. Desmond unplugged the island, so that Jack could beat up MIB, but that was an accidental result that Jack had no expectations of occurring. Desmond was wrong, thinking the plug would work like Jughead was supposed to, but strike two, everybody on the show was wrong about everything. Jack ties the rope around Desmond. The islands continue to crumble. Somebody needs to order a sh!tload of duct tape to repair the mess. Sawyer and Kate find Claire sitting on the beach. Oh, dear God, they left Skull Baby behind. No wonder Claire is depressed. Frank throws the plane into reverse, looks out his rear view mirror, and slowly backs out into traffic like a soccer mom leaving her driveway in an SUV. I had trouble with that bag of crap. It’s like the plane had the maneuverability of a motorcycle. It’s a huge commercial airliner for crying out loud. Claire: this island made me crazy, I don’t know how to be a mother anymore. I’ll say. You left Skull Baby on the other island, you clumsy oaf. That skull is all alone. I bet that by now Vincent has made it a chew toy and pissed on it. Kate: I’ll help you. Oh, no you won’t. There is no focking way Mrs. Littleton is allowing Kidnapping Kate anywhere near her grandchild. Plus, Kate broke her probation for leaving the state of California. Guess who is going to jail for the next 10 years? Hahaha. For a second there, I thought Kate and Claire were going to kiss. I think I’ve been watching too much adult entertainment lately. Frank is making skid marks on the runway, popping some wheelies, doing a Triple Lindy while ignoring Sawyer’s pleas to wait a second, they are right around the corner. Hell, these people might die, but a schedule is a schedule. Frank is suffering withdrawls, and needs to get off the island as fast as possible to find some whacky tobacky. The plane’s seats are purple. It’s gotten to the point where I refuse to allow anything purple inside my house. Sawyer, Kate, and Claire run out of the jungle and in front of the plane. Frank: what the Hell? Oh, for fock’s sake Burt Reynolds from Boogie Nights. They are called “people”, Frank. You know how that walkie thing sitting on the ground about 3 feet away from you has been squawking for half an hour “wait, oh God, please wait we are almost there, for the love of God don’t leave us to die on this God forsaken crumbling rock”, well some folks are trying to get your attention. And you should be able to recognize people, numbskull, you transport them everyday in a big metallic thingy in the air. When Bram called Frank a possible “candidate” for something, he meant lobotomy. And he meant that Frank already had one. Jack is really milking this death scene, as it does take him about an hour of screen time to finally gurgle off into the afterlife. I think the wound is working it’s way up his chest, but I just don’t care anymore. Jack picks up the cork and puts it back in it’s hole. It’s a good thing there wasn’t a round peg and a square peg there, or Jack would have bled to death trying to figure out which one belonged in a round hole. Claire, Sawyer, Kate climb aboard the plane. These scenes are not happening in the same time frame. The plane is about to leave and fly off, while Jack still has another hour to die. Frank is zig zagging all around the runway, which is cracking like Joan Rivers face will the next time she sneezes. Again, why is Hydra island breaking up, when the bloody hole is on the other island? Cheesy. As this Ajira Six (Frank, Richard, Miles, Sawyer, Kate, Claire) is getting ready to leave, what about all the passengers that got purged. They never confirmed who or what killed them. So they need to make up a cover story, like Oceanic Six did. But Frank has to explain how he landed a plane on a runway on an island that you can’t find, all the passengers except for Kate and himself are gone, they found 4 new people to board the plane, one of the passengers was born about 190 years ago, and a hundred passengers are dead. Oh, and the guy in the coffin is missing too. The plane wobbles down the runway and takes off. I so want it to hit a ridge and explode into a huge ball of flames. Good luck in finding the right coordinates to leave, since this isn’t a helicopter. Oh, that’s right. Any established rules are out the window. It’s time for Six Flags to put up an amusement park on the island. Maybe some strip malls. And 74 Subways. On the plane, Kate and Claire are holding hands. I wonder how Aaron will feel about his lesbian mothers? The camera cuts away before they kiss, but they were moving towards each other. I swear. Hey, if Kate can’t have Jack, she can still get his sister. Jack is laying in the pit, no doubt thinking about how he wasted his life. The shaking of the island stops, the stupid light comes back on again, moths start to fly directly into it, and all is right in the world again. Boooo. Ben and Hugo pull up a sack of potatoes with the rope, and it’s Desmond. Jack is still laying in the pool/pit. Hurley is so overjoyed to see his friend Desmond alive, he accidently yells out things like “Nooooooo!!!!” and “Jack!!!!!” instead of “I’m very happy to see you alive, Desmond.” He almost kicks Desmond back down into the cave. Hurley is an anal wart. I can assure you, not everybody loves Hugo. He is now firmly in the spotlight, and his character is regressing in maturity and morality. Be proud in your ultimate successor, Jacob. It’s Pee Wee Hurley. Meanwhile, why did we need Desmond to uncork the island, if Jack can do it in reverse. And neither turned into a smoke monster. What are the focking rules? This is bullsh!t. No logic whatsoever. Jack is now an electro magnetic freak of nature too? Mother says don’t let anyone in the cave, and it’s a damn conga line to the inside. Start building an E-Z Pass lane.

The church where the coffin was delivered. Locke arrives in a taxi, gets in a wheelchair, and starts to push himself towards the stairs. Ben is sitting outside in what looks like a courtyard, on a bench. Locke: is everybody here already? Ben: mostly. So, the Flashies are gathering together after their awakenings. Ana Lucia was not ready yet, but these folks have been manipulated into memories. I guess nobody likes Ana Lucia enough to wake her up. But I’ll get back to that topic in a bit. Ben apologizes to Locke for his selfishness, his jealousy of what Locke had. Locke: what did I have? Well, two useless limbs, only one kidney, a fear of falling out of 8 story windows, and a dead fiancĂ©. Ben: you were special. I strongly believe Ben is trying to set up Locke to murder him again. Can you kill someone twice? If anyone can figure it out, it’s Benjamin Linus. Locke forgives Ben. I’m disappointed. This is terrible closure. I want Ben to grab that wheelchair and push it down a steep hill towards a busy highway. It’s creepy seeing Locke without the eye scar. Ben isn’t going inside because he still has some things to work out. Well, after killing thousands of people, I think Ben is going to get jabbed in the ass with a pitchfork in the afterlife. I’m surprised not to see him on fire right now. What, he isn’t done trying to sexually assault Alex? Ben: I don’t think you need to be in that chair anymore. Locke: DON’T TELL ME WHAT I CAN’T DO!!!!…wut? Locke stands up, walks inside. Desmond is semi conscious on the island. Ben gives him a rock for a pillow because a back pack would have been a worse choice. Hurley is blubbering. Get it? H: It’s my job now. Hurley is a real Panicky Pete. Ben: do what you do best, help people. That was a completely terrible bit of writing. Help people? Hurley? The only meaningful things Hurley has done for 6 seasons is take a census, steal food, and listen to dead people tell him that he is an idiot. Hurley stinks and I don’t like him. He needs for someone to smack him in the face and yell “Act like a man, what’s the matter with you!!!” Instead, Sally SobsALot is lamenting that he has to roll up his sleeves and do some work for once in his life. Or give the job to Ben, the deserving person for the island. He’s a sneaky little sh!t. He’s perfect for the job. Ben suggest that maybe they can try to get Desmond home. Hurley: people can’t leave the island. Ben: that’s how Jacob ran things. What? The guardian makes up the rules as they go along. Which Ben had no problem breaking when he allowed Michael and Walt leave. Well, it’s a good rule nonetheless. But I can’t imagine that the Romans that shipwrecked and brought Jacob and MIB to the island couldn’t have built a raft and left. No, it’s hard to leave. But, let’s get rid of all the rules. They mean nothing. That’s just the way Jacob ran things. Is that so? Jacob ran nothing. He kidnapped people from the outside world, brought them to the island, and watched them get slaughtered. Hurley asks for Ben’s help. Ben embarrassingly agrees. The stone cold killing machine, the man with a plan, is now Hurley’s coffee boy. How depressing. We don’t know how Laurel and Hardy end up running the island, but I would be so unhappy if Ben didn’t at least try to kill Hugo 3 times. Hurley walks out of the church for apparently no reason and sees Ben. Ben: I don’t think I’m coming in. Ben is on the outside of the cool kids. He knows it. Oh, and there are the thousands of people he killed. That might be a problem. You were a good #2. You were a great #1. Yuck. I need to go take a #2 now after hearing that sickening display of affection from these butt buddies. Jack arrives at the church with Kate. Is this afterlife in the vision of Jack only? I mean, of all the meeting places, it had to be his father’s funeral? Is this whole dam show about Jack and his journey on the island and his utter failure in getting his fellow passengers rescued and now he is rewarded with hanging out with his friends that he helped kill in the afterlife. I bet a bunch of them have better places to go and more important people to hand out with, but are now trapped to suffer in eternity with stupid Jack and his completely inane stories and lack of wit and lack of charm. Kate is going inside, and suggests Jack take the back entrance so that she doesn’t have to be seen with him in public because Kate is afraid the paparazzi with take unflattering pictures of them. Insane Kate must be seeing a red carpet where there clearly is none. Jack wakes up outside the cave, his body is transported much like MIB’s was, but he isn’t dead, which is bullsh!t. He is not a smoke monster, so that’s double bullsh!t. He stubbles into jungle, bleeding, and dying. Good. Maybe a polar bear catches his scent. Jack enters the “church”. More bullsh!t. Look, don’t call it a church if you insist on displaying religious symbols and pictures from a dozen different faiths. Jewish people have Temples, Muslims have Mosques, etc. Churches are more Christians based. People are so paranoid of offending somebody that logic is suspended. Either make it a church, or have the meeting place in a waffle house. Politically correct people are like colostomy bags with holes. Completely useless. Jack approaches the coffin. This would have been a cool time to break out some horror film music, like the piano music from Halloween. He puts his hand on the coffin, and he becomes a Flashie. He swings open the lid. The coffin is empty, but Christian Shepherd is right behind him. Look out, he’s got a chainsaw. Jack: I don’t understand. Oh, boy, here begins the 10 minute speech that could have taken 30 seconds because Jack needs to reason things out. Jack: you died….(4 minutes elapse)…so….I died too. Christian hugs Jack like he did when Jack got his first D on a math test. That was a proud moment. Jack cries. Well, Jack has to cry every episode. It’s in the contract. I kept waiting for Jack to ask “So, how’s Mom?” but it never happened. Jack is an assh0le. Is this really Christian Shepherd, or God, or something else entirely? Like when Jodie Foster in that wretched Contact movie finally got a chance to talk to aliens, and they appeared as her dead father to her to make it easier to understand. Is this a Matrix world? Oh, the possibilities are endless, but somehow the writers make this scenario suck really badly. Christian: everything that has ever happened to you is real, everybody dies sometime, some died long after you, there is no “now” here. OK. Everybody dead, time is of no consequence. Got it. All these dead people were just living a fake life in this “timeline” as it all meant nothing. David doesn’t exist, Jack. Oh, Keamy dies in the afterlife, so I have no idea what happens when you die more than once. Christian: this is a place you made so that you could find one another, the most important part of your life was spent with these people, you needed all of them, they needed you, to remember and let go. Jack: moving on? Where? Christian: Let’s find out. Bullsh!t. Fine, I’ll go with the flow and say they created an afterlife for themselves somehow. But you are telling me that in the afterlife, you don’t retain your memories? Fine, whatever. But I certainly would challenge the “most important part of your life” part. For who? Boone, who spent a couple of days on the island, before getting killed? But these people were on the island. Wait, stop. Penny never stepped foot on the island. She’s inside the church. Well, certainly Richard spend a century and a half on the island. Not there either. Hmmmmm. Jack is still stumbling, bleeding in the jungle. So the hugs start in the church. I guess they’ve either been hugging for a long time waiting for Jack, or just started when Jack enters the room. Either image is disturbing. I’d rather hug a cactus in a swimming pool full of AIDS than hug any of these repugnant sociopaths. The church is a lobby, a waiting place, where a select few random people are permitted to wait until the Guest of Honor appears and then they can leave. Jack is back to where he began in the pilot episode, the bamboo field, the sneaker in the tree he woke up near, So let’s see who is here. Shannon and Sayid. Sayid pined for Nadia for 6 seasons of Lost, married her, saw her die…then there was Elsa, whom he dated for weeks, who he killed and she died in his arms, and Shannon, who he dated for about 3 days, and he is spending eternity with her. I’m sure Boone is thrilled, watching his sister, whom he slept with, in the arms of someone else. Boone is doomed to be alone and jealous for eternity. Libby, kissed Hugo once, and is stuck with him for eternity. No, you do not lose weight when you die. Aaron, a few days old, stuck as a baby for eternity. You don’t age in eternity, right? So Aaron must have died as a baby. Except he is 4 years old in the real world. How the fock do these rules work? Aaron went backwards in time, died, and will be in diapers forever? Where are Michael, Walt, Mr Eko, Miles, Charlotte, Daniel, Eloise, Widmore, Ji Yeon, Dr Arzt, Nikki, Paulo, Richard, Frank, Danielle, Alex, Nadia, Desmond’s kid Charlie, Clementine, Hugo’s mother, Jack’s mother, Ilana, Sawyer’s parents, and on and on? So these people weren’t important on the island, or nobody cared about them? Or what? Why aren’t these people here? Jack only invited a few people to his party? He invited crib death Aaron? And you have to bring a date, as nearly everybody is paired up with somebody. Wait, I didn’t see Helen. Poor Locke, he doesn’t get to bring his love of his life along. And, kids, dogs DO NOT go to heaven. I have seen the proof. They sit down on the pews, Christian strolls to the back of the church behind them, opens the doors, and all you see is bright light. Boooooo. Vincent approaches the dying Jack. Jack watches the Ajira plane fly overhead, minutes before the duct tape unravels and the plane plummets towards the water and kills everybody on board. Vincent lays down by Jack, thinking about how chewy his skull will taste. Especially after peeing on Jack’s stupid corpse head. Jack the attention wh0re closes his eye. Rot in peace. I guess the island didn’t want to heal him. Hahaha.

I thought about doing another article, a series wrapup, but I’m still bitterly disappointed with the ending of the show, so I guess this is it. I wanted to explore the answered questions and what we learned from the show. Unfortunately, there are thousands of unanswered questions and in the end, we learned nothing. This show gave me a lot of enjoyment over the years, but like a dying grandmother, the ending was wheezy, uncomfortable to watch, and reeked of unchanged diapers. Sure, I complain and cuss, but in the end, I still can’t be classy. The End sucked. Thank you for reading these bits of drivel